Separate the Behaviors from the Addiction

Till The Wheels Fall Off

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How much should you focus on the substance? To what degree is the substance responsible for someone's behavior? Is it easier to forgive someone's bad behavior because they're addicted? Should compassion for a struggling addict or alcoholic overshadow your needs for an equal partner, or for honesty in a relationship? With all of the information on addiction that ranges from choice to disease, it's incredibly hard to know what you should have tolerance for and what you shouldn't. We propose something that worked for us - focus on the behaviors and how they affect you and cast aside the substance. It has been our experience that the substance only made existing behaviors more severe, but it was not the cause of all of them. Long after the substance was removed, many of the harmful behaviors within our relationship remained. We discuss the benefits of focusing on behaviors rather than the substance to bring clarity to a relationship or marriage where addiction is present. We also discuss some of the common ways alcoholics and addicts use the addiction as an excuse for their behaviors and how this keeps spouses "trapped." We touch on the dangers of long-term lying and emotional abuse from an addicted person and how these things affect a spouse, and why many of the harmful behaviors you identify hang around long after the substance is gone. Our goal for the episode was to highlight the fact that it's not the substance that causes harm, it's the behaviors that come along with addiction and how they affect you, your children, and your environment.

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