Living in the Shadow | Navigating life with a high-needs sibling

Ask Kati Anything

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton explains why we can have a hard time believing we aren’t a horrible person, the effects of having a sibling with mental health issues, and what it really means to “get better.” She also explains what it means to have a “nervous breakdown,” and finally how to cope with emotionally immature parents.

Ask Kati Anything ep. 252 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT Audience questions:

1. I have a really hard time believing I am not a horrible person. My therapist asks me why I can’t accept the good things about myself, but I just can’t. It isn’t that I want to continue to think shitty thoughts about myself, I just can’t break them. How do I do that? I worry I am going to push my therapist away because I can’t seem to break these beliefs about myself. I fear I am wasting her time. For context, I have CPTSD, was emotionally neglected, parentified and have a narcissistic parent…on top of other trauma. Thank you for all you do and for answering our questions! 01:00

2. Could you talk about the effects on the sibling of someone (both same age) who has struggled with severe self-harm for years and suicide attempts (non-violent and luckily not successful) eg. the trauma and what that could look like for the sibling who witnessed everything, the “mental preparation” for believing that they are going to someday be successful at their suicide attempt, the core beliefs formed from it all, the neglect due to a high needs sibling etc. Any and all thoughts on the effects and anything else you can think of would be so appreciated. Thanks for all you do, Kati!! (COMMENT: as an add on, can it affect the person who is struggling when they know a sibling knows? // As an add-on if this relates…can you talk about how witnessing a sibling being physically abused impacts you? Then in turn how being abused by that sibling impacts you? I was bullied a lot outside of the home (my sibling joined in on that), but they were also physically and verbally abusive within the home. I understand they had a lot of big emotions and I was an easy target, but I still wonder how all of it has impacted how I view myself. // As an add on if it relates: I have been in therapy for years but struggle to talk to my siblings about the abuse from our childhood. Any ideas how to open that conversation?) 07:12

3. Hi Kati! It is a weird question, but I am not asking for the specifics: When we say it eventually will get better, what is the broad definition of "get better"? The thing is, it is true that it relatively got better, but it is still so hard, and some aspects become harder, I started to feel like I am in a loop where every time I feel like: I am at the end of the rope now, there is more, I am losing my patience and it is terrifying. 19:16

4. What exactly is a “nervous breakdown”? Is that term outdated? When do I know I’m having one and what should one do? 24:15

5. Hi Kati, how do you cope with parents who were emotionally immature/neglectful/abusive when you were a child, but treat their grandchildren entirely differently..aka giving them the childhood you did not have? I feel like I was treated as an adult when I was a child, and now a child as an adult. Many thanks. (as an add on, if they are still bad for you but are good for your children, should you still allow them to be in your life(ves)?) 26:53

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