I choose not to

The Doorstep Mile

I choose not to

Here are a few things I have said to myself.

• I can't spare time to head to the hills.
• I can't afford this adventure.
• I can't go to the gym.
• I can't begin writing a book yet.

Do these sort of problems sound familiar?

If so, here's an experiment to try. Instead of saying, 'I don't have the time to do this', say – out loud – the same phrase but beginning with 'I choose not to'.

• I choose not to use my time to head to the hills.
• I choose not to spend my money on this adventure.
• I choose not to go to the gym.
• I choose not to begin writing a book yet.

OUCH!

That small twist in the phrasing puts a totally different emphasis on each sentence. It tips the responsibility onto me, rather than seeing myself at the mercy of the cruel caprices of the universe. It shows me what my priorities truly are. 'I don't prioritise time for heading to the hills. I don't prioritise writing a book.'

Of course, there are limits on our lives. The universe does occasionally kick you where it hurts. And few of us have as much time, money or expertise as we'd like to have.

So there will be many times when we can't get what we want. Wishing for something will not make it come true. I spent a long time feeling despondent because all my efforts to publish my first book were coming to naught. I have never managed my dream of living in the mountains. I have never won one of the three adventure film prizes I covet.

Tough luck, that's life. Dreaming big is not enough. Following a passion or having a fire inside you does not bend the universe to your desires, whatever people on social media say. But often, if you are burning with enthusiasm for something, and decide that it is sufficiently important to graft for, you can find a way to make it happen.

The trick of saying out loud that I am choosing not to do something clears my head. It often makes me realise that what I thought was a genuine constraint is actually just a mental block or a convenient excuse. Above all, it makes plain to me where my priorities lie. Perhaps, deep down, I don't want this thing sufficiently to graft for it. I want to be the noun but don't have the stomach to do the verb.

On the other hand, it can also put your mind at rest by accepting that an idea is genuinely beyond reach for now, and you should hatch a more pragmatic plan. Either way, you're undoubtedly now a little closer to an honest answer.

OVER TO YOU:

• List 5 things that you can't so.
• Now try re-writing them with an 'I choose not to…' slant instead.
• How do they sound now? Unfair? Wrong? Or a little too close to the bone?

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