Negotiating Disagreement | Robert Bordone & Joel Salinas

The Art of Charm

In today's episode, we dive into the science of managing conflict and building resilience with Bob Bordone and Joel Salinas, two thought leaders in negotiation and emotional intelligence. Bob Bordone, a senior fellow and former professor at Harvard Law School, is the founder of the Harvard Negotiation and Mediation Clinical Program. Joel Salinas, a neurologist at Massachusetts General Hospital and an instructor at Harvard Medical School, brings a unique perspective from his research in brain science and social connection. Together, they coauthored Conflict Resilience: Negotiating Disagreement Without Giving Up or Giving In, a groundbreaking book that redefines how we approach conflict, not as something to fear but as a powerful opportunity for growth.

Join us for an eye-opening conversation with negotiation expert Bob Bordone and neurologist Joel Salinas as they unravel the complex dynamics of conflict and emotional resilience. Why does conflict feel so uncomfortable, and how can we reframe it as an opportunity for growth? How do our brains influence our reactions in high-stakes disagreements, and what strategies can we use to navigate even the toughest conversations? Bob and Joel combine their expertise in negotiation, brain science, and emotional intelligence to offer actionable tools for managing tension, building conflict resilience, and fostering deeper connections in both personal and professional settings. Discover how mastering these skills can enhance your relationships, elevate your leadership, and transform the way you approach challenges.

What to Listen For

Introduction – 00:00:00

Why do they see conflict as an opportunity for growth rather than something to fear?

The Science of Conflict and Emotional Triggers – 00:05:07

Why does conflict trigger the same brain mechanisms as physical pain?

How can pausing and breathing help re-engage the rational parts of the brain during conflict?

What are the first steps to managing emotional triggers in high-stakes disagreements?

Naming the Core Issues Behind Conflict – 00:10:37

What does “naming” mean in the context of conflict resilience, and how does it transform conversations?

Why is it important to identify and express the emotions underlying a disagreement?

How can naming your feelings help de-escalate tension and get to the heart of the problem?

The Power of Emotional Vocabulary – 00:16:53

Why do many people struggle to articulate their feelings, especially men?

How does a richer emotional vocabulary lead to better conflict outcomes?

What practical exercises can help you expand your emotional awareness?

Balancing Self and Others in Conflict – 00:30:48

How can highly empathetic individuals set healthy boundaries without feeling guilty?

What are the challenges of balancing your own needs with the needs of others?

Why is it essential to prepare for how others might react when you assert your needs?

Building Conflict Resilience – 00:33:29

What is conflict resilience, and how does it differ from conflict resolution?

Why is resilience a prerequisite for effective negotiation and communication?

How can you cultivate the mindset and skills to stay present and engaged during disagreements?

Creating a Greenhouse for Conflict Resilience – 00:43:12

Why do hostile environments make it harder to engage constructively in conflict?

What can leaders do to foster a culture that supports conflict resilience?

How does the organization Seeds of Peace inspire young leaders to navigate conflict?

Honing Curiosity and Avoiding Misjudgments – 00:47:00

How can curiosity help you uncover the true motivations behind someone’s actions?

Why do we often misinterpret others’ identities and intentions in conflict?

What techniques can help you think beyond your own perspective and stay curious longer?

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