When Your Depression Holds On Too Tightly

Seriouslyourself

Hi there, come on in. This is Seriously Yourself, the podcast and I'm Ingrid Helander.
Hi there, come on in. Welcome to Seriously Yourself. I am kind of excited to talk to you today. So I hope I don't ramble in too many circles. If you've been listening, thank you: number one. And I also want to let people know if you're looking for someone who talks to you from a scripted place, like they're reading to you, I'm not your girl. I thought maybe at some point I would do that, and I have no interest in doing that. Though, I know I'm quite certain I know where I'm going when I talk to you. So bear with me and allow your mind to kind of play in these loops and circles that sometimes I create. I don't think I'm a very linear thinker though. I know where I'm going. Anyway, today I'm reflecting on depression. Depression. The reason I'm doing so is because I'm hearing it from a lot of people. It comes out in one of two ways. Usually, either a statement like my depression is bad or I have depression and it feels really hard for me that's kind of one way or I'm feeling really depressed or this is depressing.
So you see how they're a little bit different. One is talking about. Here's something that is a part of me that I kind of own and know and it's maybe worse right now or more noticeable? My depression or I have depression and the second is more almost oh hey, I just noticed I'm not feeling great, kind of more circumstantial, I'm depressed or this is depressing. I think if you're in the camp of the second one and you've never gotten any advice about it or had any therapy or um, talk to anyone about it and you're feeling depressed right now. It might make sense to get ahold of someone and have a word with them just so you could get clearer on. Is this circumstantial? Uh, something about the way life is right now, that's just hard for you or do you need some care and it's always good to get care? That's why I do this.
If you're in the first camp and you find yourself reflecting upon your depression. You know, if you hear yourself saying ah my depression or I live with this depression or have really been very depressed. That's a good signal, to take a minute and get curious about it before you continue to have that be kind of a leading part of you. You know, in other words, if everything that you are going to think or do starts with uh "my depression feels or I am so depressed that or I would except for my depression", it's a really good time to get a little step back and I'll tell you what I mean.
Imagine that you are in a room and there's all these people that you know, and care about in the room with you and you know, you're you're all vaccinated and boosted if you are and you feel really safe and you're going to embrace these people. And you select the one that sort of stands in front of you the most, and that person walks up to you and you hold them. But when you hold them they kind of engulf you. They won't let go. My nephew Aaron used to do a little joke with us when we'd hug him and he'd he'd hold you and then when you get to that moment of natural release he would say "say when" but he wouldn't let go. And it always brought a giggle like uh yeah "when" was about three seconds ago. And then you get into that thing of almost like defying each other like well who's going to say when first like playing hug chicken or something. But in this case you go to this one that often gets your attention and they hug you and they don't let go or you don't let them go and you can't get any perspective on anything else that's going on in the room, right? Because this one is holding you so tightly and it's probably like your aunt Agnes or something that you know, she's always wanting to hug you and you're like you know really a quick hug would be fine with you Aunt Agnes.
So I want you to imagine that you're depressive parts, the parts of you that feel this depression in your nervous system in your mind, for some of us in our personalities even, are kind of like that. And there are times of our lives, of the year, when they are maybe a little more up - like wanting us to to know a little more of themselves. You know, like Aunt Agnes hasn't seen you in awhile and she just really wants to share some new recipes, and you don't really want those recipes but you feel kind of stuck with them anyway, even though they're familiar.
So if you could get a little space from that depression and just take a minute and notice all right, this part of me is kind of leading my thought processes, how I'm approaching the day, maybe kind of sapping my energy, maybe making me feel a little less like myself when I'm in a group, or with a friend, or even a partner loved one. Maybe this energy of depression tells me that I don't have the ability or resources to do the things that I kind of feel like probably would make me feel kind of good right now, or that I don't deserve to feel good right now because the world is difficult or you know. Whatever other story this Aunt Agnes, and my apologies to any Agnes out there. It's a nice name. Any aunties, that depression want to share with you.
I was lucky, lucky, lucky enough to be at a retreat this weekend and I got to hear, Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote "Eat. Pray. Love" and many other things, and Rachel Cargle
who among other things does the Loveland foundation and "The Great Unlearn", and they were fantastic and I feel more than grateful for the opportunity to have been there. And Elizabeth was talking about a time in her life when she was just extremely depressed. You know, when our stress rises to a level of impossibility in our body, it's not compatible with life, depression will take over and knock us way into a low state just to keep us alive. That's just an aside if you're feeling that way. But she said when she felt like there was nothing in her but this low, low level of you know sadness, depression, you know grief, you know just horrible feeling for her. She did what she called kind of reverse M. R. I. When an M. R. I would typically scan for disease right in the body. She used her sort of intuitive M. R. I to go in and scan for any spots of light of happy of joy of enchantment of bright any tiny tiny spots. And I love this example because what she actually did then was she took very small steps to make those spots larger. To give them more of the attention that they needed and deserved. And in her example, one of those spots was that she loved hearing Italian, she loved the language and so she began studying it just a bit and then just a bit more and as she learned it, she felt like those little bright light spots were growing within her, creating more joy and more enchantment which were not congruent with the overriding sense of depression.
So if you go back to our room with all of your friends and loved ones gathered there who want to embrace and you're hanging on with your aunt depression, I'll call her now and it feels like she won't let go. You know, take a minute and look up and look around the room because you're probably going to find other parts of you that I really not like that depressive state at all. You might have parts of you that are waiting over in the corner with your favorite fun thing to do. Maybe they're holding a paintbrush or a pen or a cookbook or auto mechanic tools, haha. Whatever it is, you love, maybe you have a little part over in the corner going, hey, hey, it's been a long time. I miss you come over here and give me a hug or a picture in the other corner. There's maybe a teenage kind of a part of your personality from way back who loved to dance and maybe that part is standing by the old record player or holding a boom box on its shoulder or has on headphones attached to a walkman or is listening to an Alexa playing their favorite music and their dancing and having a ball. Does this make sense to you? Those little spots of light within you that when you can get a little space from this big auntie hugging you, this one of depression, they're still there. But they kind of get eclipsed, you know, they get pushed away. They are absolutely 100% as true as the depression and yet how often during the day do you find yourself going? My creativity, you know, blank, blank blank. Even if you say my creativity is struggling just a bit, but I love it anyway and I'm curious about it anyway. Or my dancer has felt a little out of shape these days. Mmm, but I can still drum up the feeling of that part of my body and maybe I'll hop over into a room by myself and listen to my favorite song and move a bit, right? Or my child imagination over here that is fascinated by tree bark and loves to go for a walk in the woods and just feel the different bark on the trees and notice what it's like to be a tree, maybe even touch or talk to those trees today. That part needs a little more embracing from me, right? A little more attention, a little more time.
And that's sort of keeps that auntie of depression, the one that can hold you so tight, you know, with her big bosom and her soft mushy arms that make you wanna cry and sink into the sofa and have no energy and just eat macaroni and cheese. You know that one? Yeah, she can get a little space from you. You're still embracing her, right? You still want to hear what she has to tell you. Maybe she's looking around going, you know, I could use a change too. It'd be nice not to have to hold you so tightly. Wouldn't it be cool if if some of these parts in here step forward just a little bit more for you in your inner world. So that's what I'd love you to try.
Take a second and notice how much air time, thought time, ownership time are you giving to your parts that might feel depressed and do not push them away. Rather ask them what would feel just a tiny bit more balanced and then look around and own even the tiniest ones that hold some light energy, love, enthusiasm, inspiration for you. These parts are every bit as important, but they don't get the airtime. And when you do just like Elizabeth Gilbert did maybe you give them a little more love, care, emphasis so that they too can grow just a bit and be more with you, more in your presence. For me when I start feeling low. I mean, first of all, I really have to make sure I'm taking care of my physical body, you know that I'm resting and that I'm breathing and that I'm noticing the stories I tell myself in my own head and then I need to give myself a little tastes of light. So I might grab a pattern and, you know, create something with my sewing machine, or I might pull up a cookbook and make a really great dinner, or I might take a walk outside, or read a book, or take a lovely bath and so on and so on. These parts are not lacking for ideas. Trust me, if you just listen. Well, I'm really interested to hear how you're feeling and I'd love to hear if you could practice when you notice yourself say, "Well my depression or I'm depressed". Then notice are you giving a little bit more airtime to my creativity tells me this or feels like this or my playfulness wants this and make sure that gets some equal airtime in your world, just a bit. Take good care of yourself. Take good, good care of yourself. I'll see you here next week and thank you so much for joining me. I am delighted that you're here. Be well, bye.
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And thanks to those who make Seriouslyourself special: our wonderful music is Midsummer from the album Flood by the fabulous Joel Helander. Seriouslyourself is produced by Particulate Media, K.O. Myers, Executive Producer. The ideas and inspirations come from beautiful humans like you, that I feel lucky to know. And I'm Ingrid Helander. Take good care of yourself. See you next time.