Embracing self-reflection: Turning trials into triumphs with a growth mindset (147)

Creative Entrepreneurs Unblocked, Healing Artist & Trauma-Informed Coaching

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I hope everyone had a fabulous Memorial Day to my Americans. We got an extra day off, which was nice, but I'm still recording this before we head to the Memorial Day tribute, which my mother-in-law is going to be speaking at. So it's going to be amazing. I wanted to take a minute and come on here and talk to you guys about self-reflection when it comes to trials and traumas and things that come up in your life that you have to deal with. So let's go ahead and get started.

Hey friend, welcome to Deep Healing for Creative Entrepreneurs. My name is Aubrey Bahr and I am a subconscious release technique practitioner and photography business owner. I know you are sick of ending your day feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and you are seeking a solution to help you feel creatively inspired and actively engaged in your business as well as personal life. In this podcast, we are going to dig into any limiting beliefs or subconscious programs that are keeping you in a space filled with anxiety and stress. This work is not a temporary solution for your life. No, this is a complete transformation. So grab your coffee or tea and let's start you on the road to healing. And let me just say, you can do this, you are worth it, and you are meant to thrive in life and business. So let's dig in.

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I know this doesn't come as a surprise, but every single person out there in the world and those that are listening to this will go through ups and downs in life, right? We all have situations come up where it tests us, where it really makes us dig deep. And, you know, I mean, we've all survived so far, right? If you're listening to this, but sometimes these can be very big and sometimes they can be somewhat small. So regardless of where these issues come up and when, the mindset that follows them is a huge indication of where you are at on your healing journey and being able to assess these things for your benefit.

So a lot of us will come across a situation that makes us feel completely defeated and sometimes this sneaks up on you and sometimes it's been building for a while right sometimes we're not really surprised that something's came up what you need to do is next time you are in a situation where this definitely feels like a trial where you could say okay this has shifted my day my week this has changed the way i feel about something i want you you to sit with it for a minute instead of brushing it away and kind of excusing it, right? As another issue, we all have crap days, right? Crap hits the fan. Try not to cuss here. But instead of just overpowering that and getting into the right mindset. Let's sit with it for a minute. Let's think about it for a second, because when you get the opportunity to self-reflect in those moments, it adds to your emotional intelligence. It adds to your ability to overcome the problem. What we don't wanna do is just stuff it away. We don't wanna ignore it and save it for next week or five years from now, right? And sometimes it's necessary to process things at our availability when we can.

I did an episode. Let me check. Episode 132 is two tips to help you keep it together temporarily so that you can master that emotional intelligence. So if you're in a situation where you absolutely have to show up doing whatever you're doing, but something goes wrong, right? There are ways to sidestep that temporarily that are healthy ways that will allow you to get back into the energy of things and save it for later with a promise of being able to process that at a different time. So check that out if you need help with that. But basically, when we default to, this is horrible, this is the worst thing that could happen to me, all these things come up, right? We are absolutely sometimes overreacting. And that comes very easily to those of us who have not processed or healed past traumas, that we are stuck in this nervous system. Dysregulation, that's when it'll come up the most. So it'll be like, why are we freaking out over something that maybe it's going to matter tomorrow, but maybe in a month, it's not going to matter. Maybe in a month, we're going to have a better outlook, or we're going to see that there's other opportunities in this. And honestly, sometimes we need a friend, we need a partner, her. We need someone else in our lives that are going to say, okay, Aubrey, I think you're taking this too seriously, right? So self-reflection does win, but sometimes we need a little help kind of getting us there. And that's okay too.

What I really want to focus on today is the difference between seeing things that happen in your life as happening to you and seeing things in your life is happening for you. And there is a massive difference in mindset between these two. Now, I have lived most of my life on the first one where everything that was happening to me, right? And it didn't mean I was super negative. I wasn't. I've always been very optimistic in things. But at the same time, I definitely felt that victimhood, like, why is this happening to me this way? You know, how can I stop these things from happening to me? I have a lot of past traumas between just dealing with some really horrible things, right? And so I always felt like those were happening to me. Like, do I have something on my head that's like, hey, I'm going to be a victim. And energetically, I think that I might have. I really do. Now that I have that beautiful thing, hindsight, right? At almost 41 years old, finally acquired that hindsight mentality. But when you look at things differently, when you say, okay, this is really crappy. I'm going to let it settle. I'm going to feel all the feelings. I'm going to journal about it. I'm at a rest. Whatever it is you need to do. Maybe you're going to go run a marathon. Get your head in the right space again, but allow yourself to process everything that you feel around the situation. When you come back to it, that's when you want to look at it and say, okay, how is this better for me?

You know, and this is definitely a cliche, but we've all heard that saying where it's like one door closes, another one opens, right? And that is not a bad way to look at things, right? Man, some of the biggest trials I've experienced in my life Life shook me up so bad and yet stuck me on a completely different pathway, one that I'm not sure I would have gone on willingly. Things are hard, right? It's hard to change things in life. It's hard to transform. It's hard to shift your business. It's hard to start a new relationship. But yet sometimes during these biggest trials, that is exactly what we get to do. We get to choose something that in the end is probably better for us, but we couldn't even see it before. If you guys follow me, let me know, tell me, because I know that this is speaking to you.

What really needs to happen is we have to learn to shift that on our own. We have to learn to see opportunities. As fast as we could process something, we need to be able to see the opportunities in it. But that doesn't disregard sitting in the pain or the sadness. It just means we're quicker to accept that maybe this is putting us on a different path. And that could be for your benefit. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that most of the things that I've had to deal with on a. So if you get a minute today, I would love for you to write down some of the bigger things you've been through and how that worked out better for you, right? We need to start retraining our mind around those positive experiences that we have after the fact.

For example, a really bad breakup often opens your heart up to a different person, maybe someone totally different, But also that opportunity of meeting them, right? Being at the right place at the right time. I love stories like that. In fact, my own story with my husband, how we met was very similar to that where I was completely, utterly like just ripped apart in my previous marriage. And I went back up to Alaska. And within two months, my sister was like, Hey, you need to talk to this guy. Remember he was at the wedding. He was my brother-in-law's best friend. He's a nice guy. You guys should talk. He's not dating anyone, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, okay. So I did. I started this long distance relationship with some guy that I was in a wedding with, never talked to, never said one word to. In fact, in the pictures at the rehearsal dinner, we're looking the other direction. I don't even know if we had eye contact. Okay. And yet four years later, we're talking over the phone like every day and he lived 4,000 miles away. It felt very safe to my nervous system to allow myself to open up to someone who lived so far away. I didn't have to go see him every day. I didn't have to feel like claustrophobic, which I was dealing with a lot, very much a lot. And within a few months, I mean, he proposed to me the week in my divorce finally went through. So I went from being. Completely broken, okay, in September 2004 to being married and completely in love in October 2005. And I'm not saying that was the end of my journey, but I am saying that being able to look at my situation and see the opportunities that came my way, for one, I was able to recognize qualities in this man that I hadn't seen, I didn't know was possible, right? Because my entire experience before that moment with men helped me. I pretty much gave me a crash course in what I didn't want. Being able to recognize signs of abuse, being able to recognize that not all people are good, right? These were lessons that I learned very fast. I had to learn that. And then I had to be put in a situation where I chose my life over any of my belongings. That's a story in itself, but it just goes to show you that sometimes these bigger things happen to us and we just think it's the most horrible thing, and yet it opens a different door for us.

When you can get to a place where you're open to these opportunities because of the experience, that's where you start to see all these positive things happen for you. And who's to say that even in the midst of scarcity and lack there's more out there that's a mindset shift that takes a lot of us a long time and i see it played out in our businesses too where we feel like well we're not getting booked but all these people are and there's something wrong with us and we kind of default to i'll never get another booking and then what plays out that exact thing right put yourself in a situation where you can say okay this was not a great month but I'm open to the opportunity for more that's what you want to tell yourself and you want to tell yourself confidently and actually we're going to go ahead and do an affirmation and maybe we'll do some tapping so just go ahead and tap on your collarbone and then you can repeat after me I am so happy and so thankful. I am open to receiving more than I can imagine in all areas of my life.

All right, my friends, I hope you enjoyed that. I want to say that all of the work I do, everything that involves my coaching, everything you'll find on my website, courses.aubreybarr.com, all of that has a basis in self-confidence and self-love. It's through this kind of work that we truly start to shape. Our minds towards a growth mindset instead of lack. I don't know if you guys have noticed, but there is a whole lot of noise out there lately. A lot of people talking about their business shutting down, about having to quit on something, about inflation, all of the things, right? All of these things, while has some truth, right? There's some bearing of truth in them. it leads people to be discouraged it leads people to feel scarcity and to feel lack and when we are living a life in lack and scarcity that is when the biggest problems come up because now we allow more into our lives we shut off our ability to see opportunity we shut off our ability to shift our business towards growth because all we see is the negativity so i want to send a little message to you out there and ask you to really tune into where you're spending your time. What websites, what group communities, YouTube channels, whatever they may be, are they lifting you up or are they repeating the scarcity and the lack and the lies? That is going to be a huge shift for you. And I just want to let you guys know that when you spend days in that world, and even Even if it's a friendship or partnership, just know that you are taking all of that in and claiming it for yourself. So start today by claiming something different. Make conscious decisions that put you in a space of growth and opportunity. And if you need help shifting a certain category, whether it be money stuff, dealing with inflation, or even dealing with your body, with health things you have going on, check out the website website, courses.aubreybar.com, and you will find several different programs that I have to help you shift out of that mindset and into something better, into that basis of self-love and appreciation.

All right, guys, have a beautiful day. I will talk to you soon. I hope this podcast spoke to you in some way. If it did, please go ahead and leave me a review you and subscribe so that I know you're enjoying what you hear. And further, if you know somebody else who owns their own creative business and struggles with anything that we spoke about, please pass this on because it is my hope that we will be able to build a community of like-minded individuals who love on each other and appreciate the many facets that make our creative business so unique. And lastly, check out the show notes to find my free Facebook community and other useful links to work with me. All right, friend. See you soon.