94 The Primacy of Love

Interior Integration for Catholics

1. Summary, In this episode, I discuss the central importance of love as the marker of well-being from a Catholic perspective -- our capacity to live out the two great commandments. We explore how love is the distinguishing characteristics of Christians, we detail the eight different kinds of love, and we discuss Catholic theologian Bernard Brady's five attributes or characteristics of love -- how love is affective, affirming, responsive, unitive and steadfast. We discuss what is commonly missing from philosophical and theological approaches to love, and we briefly touch in the death of love and distortions of love.
2. Lead-in
   
   1. I want to speak to you from my heart today. I want to share with you heart to heart about what it most important to me. And maybe what is most important to you. I want to talk with you today about love. Real love. Fundamental Love. Radical love. The real thing. Not the counterfeits of love that you and I have pursued in our lives in one way or another -- the fakes loves we've mistaken for real love, or the lesser loves that we've tried to inflate into more than they could possibly be.
3. 1. I think love is not only the most essential experience in the whole world, it's also the most confusing for us. Think about it. What else has confused you more than love? What has been more enduringly puzzling than love? What has been more elusive for you? What has been more enigmatic than love in your life? What have you struggled with more than love?
4. 
   
   1. Love -- the word is evocative. The word is provocative, it stirs us up. You parts react in so many different ways to the word love. And so that's where we are going today. Into the mystery of love.
6. Intro:
   
   1. Maybe you are feeling like you're just struggling to survive.
      1. I want more for you than that.
7. 
   
   1. Maybe much of the time you feel like things are OK, maybe pretty good.
      
      1. I want more for you than that.
8. 
   
   1. I want to share with you the very best of what I have with you on the central focus of well-being from a Catholic perspective.
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   1. Broad overview
      1. Let's review a little. In episode 88, we began a series on trauma with that piece Trauma: Defining and Understanding the Experience -- that one was a huge hit -- so many people interested in it, by far the most downloads of any episode.
      2. In episode 89, called Your Trauma, Your Body: Protection vs. Connection -- we did a deep dive into the effects of trauma on the body, really understanding trauma from the perspective of Polyvagal theory by Steven Porges and Deb Dana.
      3. From there, though, I really wanted to look at well-being -- how does secular psychology understand well-being --
         1. It's so important to understand what well-being is, what it looks like, how it feels. So many people have never really experienced well being. It's possible that you've never really experienced well-being.
         2. So I started a subseries on well-being within the broader trauma series.
      4. So shared with you the secular views of well being in Episodes 90 and 92 of this podcast
      5. We really dived into what the best of current psychological theorizing says about well-being
         
         1. Episode 90 Your Well-Being: The Secular Experts Speak
            
            1. DSM 5 -- which doesn't have a description of well being
         2. 1. PDM 2
         3. 1. Hedonic Well-being
         4. 1. Eudemonic Well-being
         5. 1. Freud's ideas of well-being
         6. 1. Contributions of Positive Psychology - pioneered by Martin Seligman
         7. 1. Polyvagal Theory -- Stephen Porges, Deb Dana
         8. 1. Internal Family Systems
      6. 
         
         1. Episode 92 Understanding and Healing your Mind through IPNB
            
            1. Interpersonal Neurobiology -- Daniel Siegel -- a lot to say about the healthy mind, a sense of well-being. Very well developed.
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      7. 
         
         1. Episode 93 consisted of three experiential exercises
            
            1. The first on the ways in which you reject yourself or condemn yourself as a person
         2. 1. The second on protection vs. connection -- your internal reactions to your wounds. That one was based off of polyvagal theory
         3. 1. The third was on exploring your own inner chaos and rigidity within -- based off of Daniel Siegel's Interpersonal Neurobiology and one point he makes is that all psychological symptoms can be thought in terms of rigidity and/or chaos. Rigidity and chaos are signs of having lost a sense of well-being.
         4. 
            
            1. I invite you to check those out if you haven't already, there's a lot of opportunities in those experiential exercises for you to do your inner work.
         5. 
            
      8. 
         
      9. As you know, I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist, passionate Catholic, and I am the voice of this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics
         
         1. In this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we take on the most important psychological questions. We take the most important human formation issues head on, directly, without mincing words, without trepidation, without vacillation, without hesitation -- We are dealing with the most important concerns in the natural realm, the absolute central issues that we need to address with all of our energy and all of our resources.
      10. 
          
          1. And up until now, the most important episodes I've done are numbers 37 to 49 -- that was the 13-episode series on shame. Why? Because shame is the major driver of so much emotional distress, so many identity issues, and so many psychological symptoms.
      11. 
          
          1. But these new few episodes, these episodes on well-being from a Catholic perspective, informed first by the perennial wisdom of the Catholic Church, and then secondarily by the best of psychological science, theory, research and practice, these episodes on love, these are the most important. Why? Because, in two words, love heals. Love restores. Love makes new. Love is our mission, love is our goal, love is the destiny we are called to.
      12. 
          
          1. This is episode 94 of the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, released on June 6, 2022 and it's titled Well-Being from a Catholic Perspective: The Primacy of Love
10. Love as the Center
    
    1. We were made in love and for love and to love.
       
       1. Prayer to God in the Litanies of the Heart: "Lord Jesus, You created me in love, for love. Bring me to a place of vulnerability within the safety of your loving arms." Discussed the Litanies of the Heart with Dr. Gerry at length in Episode 91 of this podcast, a special episode all about the litanies of the heart.
    2. 
       
       1. Inviting to the adventure of loving
          
          1. So many people are just surviving -- their vision is so reduced, they are not even looking to be loved or to love. Maybe that's you, to some degree.
       2. 
          
          1. They are not on the adventure -- the are jaded, disillusioned, tired, wounded by betrayal or abandonment, cautious now, skeptical, calculating when it c...