Becoming “Death Proof” – TSMP #63

The Superior Men Podcast

Matt and Jay discuss dying, death and the tremendous benefits of being prepared!

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Intro: You’re Gonna Die

• This episode is gonna get deep. Prepare yourselves accordingly. (Maybe don’t eat your usual handful of mushrooms before listening)
• There are a few things that are guaranteed in this life:
  • Politicians will bang their interns
  • The sun will rise in the east and set in the west
  • Women will make your life more difficult - and better
  • Children will make your life even more difficult - and even better
  • Technology will increase at a mind-boggling rate
  • Porn will keep getting weirder
  • Taxes will suck
  • Cats will continue their move towards world domination
  • And, of course, as always, the true kicker…YOU’RE GONNA DIE

How We Chose This Episode’s Subject:

• Jay found an app called “WeCroak” - free on app stores - recommended by Tim Ferriss
  • The app sends you quotes about death and dying, texted to you five times a day, every...single...day.
  • Why? Because according to the WeCroak folks, the contemplation of death is supposed to help you find happiness
  • Based on Bhutanese culture
• Our Experience of “WeCroak” app
  • Matt: How was it for you? - theft story
  • Jay: How was it for you?

Embracing Death in Bhutan

• Recent article on bbc.com about Bhutan and their philosophy of death
• Unlike many of us in the West, the Bhutanese culture openly discusses death and dying
• “In Bhutanese culture, one is expected to think about death five times a day.”
  • According to Karma Ura, director of the Center for Bhutan Studies:
    • “Rich people in the West, they have not touched dead bodies, fresh wounds, rotten things. This is a problem. This is the human condition. We have to be ready for the moment we cease to exist.”
• Death – and images of death – are everywhere in Bhutan, especially in Buddhist art, sculpture and iconography. Everyone - including children - are exposed to these images openly depicting the end of life.
• After someone dies in Bhutan, there’s a 49-day public mourning period that involves elaborate, carefully orchestrated rituals.
• It’s not that Bhutanese don’t experience fear, or sadness. Of course they do. The difference is they don’t run away from these emotions.
  • In America when we feel sad or scared or anxious, people tell us to “get over it,” or to medicate or to pretend it doesn’t exist.
  • The difference is that in Bhutan they accept that death is a natural part of life.

Can Thinking About Death Make You Happier?

• In a 2007 study at University of Kentucky, psychologists Nathan DeWall and Roy Baumesiter divided several dozen students into two groups. One group was told to think about a painful visit to the dentist while the other group was instructed to contemplate their own death.
  • Guess which group of the study scored higher on the positive emotional scale? Yup, the “death” thinkers.
• A 2013 meta-analysis of over 160 studies on “Mortality Salience” (aka Thinking About Death) shows that subjects who spend time regularly considering their mortality have higher self-esteem and a more positive worldview.
• University of Missouri did a study in 2009 that showed that after reminders of death, people valued life more highly.
• According to research published in The American Psychologist , older people are more present-oriented than younger people, and are more conscious and selective about who they spend time with, sticking mostly with family and old, close friends. Other studies have shown them to also be more forgiving, and to care more for others and less about enhancing themselves.

Why is Contemplating Your Death So Valuable?

• Because we ARE going to die - and running from it, ignoring it, pretending it’s not happening, medicating ourselves - nothing will change that fact
  • If you PREPARE for death, you will get more out of your life
• Choosing to accept death gives you OPTIONS
  • Enables you to make a plan for your life
  • Enables you to fight - and if necessary die - for the things that matter most
    • William Wallace in Braveheart “Every man dies; Not every man really lives”
  • Prepares you philosophically for your own end
    • Choosing what kind of a life you want to live
      • Dreams
      • Goals
      • Bucket lists
      • Ways of giving back
      • Legacy
  • Choosing what kind of a life you DON’T want to live
    • Top 5 Regrets of the Dying (best-selling book by Bronnie Ware, a palliative care worker)
• In her years of experience working with dying people, Ms Ware has highlighted these five ideas as the things they regretted most:
  • I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  • I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
  • I wish I had the courage to express my feelings.
  • I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  • I wish that I had let myself be happier.

• Prepares your loved ones for the practical steps of your death after you’re gone
  • Making a “Death Plan”
    • If you’ve already made a plan, then it will go smoothly
    • Book “I'm Dead, Now What?: Important Information About My Belongings, Business Affairs, and Wishes”
      • Designed to help - in advance - to coordinate funeral affairs, distribution of assets, other financial matters, where you will be buried/cremated/etc, last wishes, etc.
• If you are spiritual person, death doesn’t mean the end
  • The majority of the religious systems on earth believe in something after death
  • Some kind of a belief in life after death often gives a sense of peace and serenity when contemplating the end of this life

Conclusion

• Like it or not, you’re going to die
• If you want to be happy - if you want to be at peace - do the psychological work now and ACCEPT YOUR DEATH
• Once a man can accept his death, he can truly start to live

It is not death that a man should fear, he should fear never beginning to live. ~Marcus Aurelius