How Marriage Coaching Could Have Improved Our Early Years

The Generous Husband

The other day, I closed my XY Code post by saying I wish on-line Christian marriage coaching had been a thing when Lori and I were newly married.

I thought it might be useful for me to ruminate here how that might have gone for us.

I used to say that when we got married, our only problems were sexual. Of course, this was not true. Yes, sex was the big issue screaming at us every day, but there were other things that needed work. And I know today that working on some of those would have helped us sexually. A good coach could have revealed those other issues, and convinced me to do some work there, even while sex was still a problem.

The other error back then was thinking the sexual issues were all about Lori. She had been both molested and raped, and was struggling because of those things, so her stuff is what we were aware of. But I had sexual stuff too. While I had not looked at porn for years, my sexuality was still poisoned by it. I had issues because of my mother’s attitudes about men and sex, and from the high school girlfriend I messed around with.

A good male coach could have shown me those issues and gotten me to work on them. That would have made sex easier, and would have taken some pressure off Lori, making it easier for her to deal with her stuff.

I said a male coach because if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t have heard that from a woman. I would have assumed she was taking Lori’s side, or didn’t understand how important sex was to a man. This, BTW is why I am real big on marriage coaching being done by a couple. Everyone is represented, it feels safer, and there is someone who can speak each spouse’s language and hold their feet to the fire when needed.

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The post How Marriage Coaching Could Have Improved Our Early Years first appeared on The Generous Husband.