FA 105 Choosing Your Values

Feral Attraction

Introduction topic

Rebooting the show

Update on what’s been happening during the hiatus

Explaining the new format

Topic

What Are Values?

“a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life” - Google Dictionary

We use our values to make judgements, particularly judgements of good and bad or right and wrong

Chase’s perspective on values

Personal constitution or bill of rights

Values (In Combination with Morals and Ethics) form a personal doctrine by which to live

Affects all decisions in Life

Much like Laws, can be changed but it is a difficult process

Where Do Our Values Come From?

Parents

Peers

Friends

Relationship partners

Society

Society at large

Subcultures we participate in

Types of Values

Fear-based values

Values based on fear are those that cause you to take action in order to avoid something

Think “have to”

Common fear-based values

Safety / Security

Absence of pain

Avoidance of conflict/confrontation

Physical appearance

Power/Control

Privacy

Religousity (fear of hell)

Recognition / Respect

Knowledge (based in fear of the unknown)

Consciousness-based values

What do we mean by consciousness?

Consciousness is your awareness of who you *really* are, as opposed to the “you” that you believe yourself to be, or the you that you were taught you were supposed to be

Consciousness-based values are those that cause you to take action to bring something desirable into your world

Think “want to”

Common consciousness-based values:

Pleasure/sensuality (as opposed to absence of pain)

Freedom (as opposed to security)

“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.” - Ben Franklin

Achievement

Vs recognition (internal to self)

Leadership

Vs. control/management
(lead self before leading others)

Adventure/novelty

Autonomy

Spirituality (vs. religiousity, internal/external)

Chase Wolf: Notes on his experiences growing up in a religious household and finding spirituality outside of that setting.

Personal growth

Intimacy (vs privacy)

Community

A metavalue; valuing others who share your values

Important to know what your values are and what those of your community are to know whether it’s a good fit

If a conflict in values are present:

Accept paying the “price of admission” to be part of the community and tolerate the difference

Examine your values, and decide whether yours should change

Choose not to be a part of the community, and find a community that is a better fit for you

Chase Wolf: Notes on changes in the Gamer Community values and the impacts thereof.

Self-expression

Fulfillment

Truth

Justice

Knowledge (based in curiosity, as opposed to fear of the unknown)

Chase Wolf: Notes on his curiosity in understanding the ABDL/Baby-Fur community allowing a shift in opinion

Having fear-based values is not necessarily a bad thing, but as a general rule, happier people tend to hold more consciousness-based values than fear-based values

Chase Wolf: Often, fear-based values are those instilled in us by friends, family, and society.

Choosing Your Values

Think of each new moment as a fresh opportunity to decide who you want to be; the greatest freedom is the freedom of choice

“It is better to follow the voice inside and be at war with the whole world, than to follow the ways of the world and be at war with your deepest self” - Counselor and educator Michael Pastore

What are your values?

What situations or conflicts make you highly emotional, either positively or negatively?

Think about what value was respected in the situations that made you feel positively

Think about what value was not respected in the situations that made you feel negatively

Empowering questions to ask yourself:

What am I unwilling to tolerate?

What am I unwilling to give up?

What recharges my batteries?

What really makes me feel excited?

What experiences or activities have the most meaning for me?

Why do I “need” the things I tell myself I need?

When do I compromise my values? Why?

What keeps me going when times get tough?

Where is there a gap between who I am and who I really know myself to be?

Why choose new values?

When different values conflict with one another

Reconciling values with a relationship partner or a community

When acting according to a certain value just doesn’t feel right

When you realize a value is coming from outside, and isn’t something you really care about

When a particular value is constantly transgressed, to the point that it is draining your energy and emotional bandwidth

When failing to live up to a value is causing you great deals of shame, guilt, anger, anxiety, or fear

How Chase changed his values to serve him better

How changes in Chase’s values allowed him to overcome issues in his life

Values Assessment Tool

https://www.dropbox.com/s/qg8hegtswsullwk/Values%20Assessment.doc?dl=0

Feedback

None for this week

Question(s)

Subject: Mates now metamours

My two mates recently broke up with each other leaving me in the middle. One mate is desperately clinging to me and the other is constantly offering advice on how to keep my other relationship healthy. How do I just let things happen without the other thinking they had a hand in it?

Received via contact form (anonymous)

Closer

Contact info

Contact Viro:

t.me/viroscicollie

twitter.com/viroscicollie

Contact Chase:

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wolf4life.bandcamp.com

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Coaching Services now available!

As our audience has grown, many of our listeners and advice column readers have asked to speak with Viro or Metriko in a one-on-one setting so as to get help with resolving relationship issues or overcoming stumbling blocks that can trip us up on life's journey. Until now, it was not possible to offer such one-on-one attention, simply because of time constraints. Fortunately, Viro is now offering this kind of individualized attention as a service!

For more information, visit feralattraction.com/coaching.

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Joel Kreissman is a published author of anthropomorphic science-fiction in his Para-Imperium universe. His first novel, The Pride of Parahumans, was published with Thurston Howl publications in 2017 and he has more free stories on his blog at https://paraimperium.wordpress.com/