346 – Triangulation and Trauma

Counselling Tutor

Domestic Abuse Awareness – Why a Year of Skills Training Matters In Episode 346 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore trauma-informed practice, focusing specifically on triangulation and trauma — how this hidden dynamic shows up in therapy and why recognising it is vital for working safely and effectively with clients. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Mel Ciavucco, a counsellor, trainer, and specialist in domestic abuse, about her new CPD lecture, Domestic Abuse Awareness. They discuss working with both survivors and perpetrators, how coercive control operates, and the importance of understanding abuse through an intersectional lens. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken explore why formal counselling training includes a full year focused entirely on counselling skills. They explain how these foundational skills form the bedrock of all therapeutic work and how they support students in becoming confident, competent practitioners. Triangulation and Trauma [starts at 03:49 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore triangulation and trauma, highlighting how this relational dynamic is often rooted in childhood experiences. Key points discussed include: Triangulation involves bringing a third party into a relationship to manage tension or avoid conflict. It can result in anxiety, hidden trauma, and ongoing relational difficulties if not recognised and addressed. Clients may unconsciously replay triangulation dynamics in therapy, such as trying to get the therapist to “side” with them. Working through triangulation requires consistency, boundaries, and an understanding of attachment repair. Therapists should avoid prematurely disrupting these dynamics without fully understanding their protective role. Domestic Abuse Awareness [starts at 32:58 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Mel Ciavucco, who draws from years of experience working with domestic abuse survivors and perpetrators. Key points from this conversation include: Mel’s CPD lecture explores coercive control, stalking, spiritual abuse, and honor-based violence. Neurodivergence (like ADHD or autism) can sometimes contribute to harmful behaviours, though not excuse them. Perpetrator work is focused on supporting survivors by addressing the root causes of abuse. Therapists often fear working with perpetrators - but change is possible with the right approach and supervision. The Jane Monckton Smith homicide timeline is introduced as a powerful tool for risk assessment and understanding escalation. An intersectional approach is vital - Mel speaks about LGBTQ+ clients, gender-based violence, and inclusive practice. Why a Year of Skills Training Matters [starts at 1:04:38 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explain the rationale behind dedicating an entire year of counselling training to developing core counselling skills. Key points include: Skills like active listening, reflection, and silence are often life-changing for students - not just for therapy, but in everyday relationships. Practicing these skills in triads helps students build confidence and competence before entering clinical work. These are advanced communication tools that improve personal and professional interactions across the board. Active listening helps us respond with understanding rather than advice or opinion. Silence, used well, can open space for deeper expression and processing. These foundational skills support the therapeutic relationship - where most healing takes place. Links and Resources Mel Ciavucco Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource