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Is This Why We Point Fingers and Blame Others? | Conversations with the Browns on the Book Leadership & Self Deception Part 2
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Special guests, friends, and sponsors, John Scott Sutherland and Shandel Sutherland, of Sutherland DDS, joined us for a discussion about the book Leadership & Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box by The Arbinger Institute. In Part 2 of our conversation, we talked more about what being in the box means and how to get out of it.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE IN THE BOX?
First, being in the box of self-deception means you have betrayed yourself. You don’t act in ways that you believe are appropriate or are in line with your values. When you are in the box, you don’t see another person’s humanity. Instead, you only see the wall of the box you’re in. Being inside the box keeps you emotionally disconnected from other people.
YOU’RE IN THE BOX. NOW WHAT?
You have to start with admitting that you are in the box. Once you identify that you’re in the box, you will start to understand how you got there and what to do to get out.
It’s easy to get comfortable inside our boxes. The more words we speak, the more decorations we put into our box. If you say, “I’m never doing that,” or “That person is so bad,” it’s hard to get yourself out of that box. When the person you have criticized then does something good for you, you can’t let them out of the box, right? That would be betraying yourself twice. You will have betrayed your values and then betrayed your righteousness in being inside the box.
SELF-JUSTIFICATION AND COLLUSION
Self-justification and collusion go hand-in-hand. When we justify ourselves, we point fingers and blame others for our problems. We deceive ourselves with collusion in order to continue our self-justification. We invite people to behave badly so that we can justify our own bad behaviors. It’s pretty scary because the behavior we say that we dislike in the other person is the behavior we provoke in order to justify our negative view of that person. It is a form of self-deception that keeps us in the box.
HOW TO GET OUT OF THE BOX
It takes hard work and conscious thinking to get out of the boxes we are in. It also takes humility. We must be willing to admit that we are wrong and no one wants to do that. It’s hard. It is much easier to point fingers and blame others for our problems.
The first thing you should do is ask yourself what you should do for this person. What can you do to treat this person as a fellow human being? As soon as your brain thinks of that humane response, then do it. Yes, you could yell at that person or hit that person. You could do that if they were only an object to you. Do what makes that person human to you.
Send us your questions and your thoughts. Let’s continue this conversation.
Leave a comment or call/text our 24-hour feedback phone at 530-535-8121.
Listen to Part 1 and Part 3 of our conversation with the Sutherlands about leadership and self-deception.
Submit a topic for a conversation - https://forms.gle/actLkkKrEHP7pNMZ9
Make more connections with us at https://linktr.ee/lifewiththebrowns
Sponsor for the show: Sutherland DDS https://sutherlanddds.com/
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