Part 5 (Epilogue)
Manage episode 447462520 series 3611577
NIGHTMARE ON 34TH STREET: A XMAS GROTESQUE
Words + Music by Geordie McElroy
Epilogue
***
Muffy Von Klump, Luz de la Cruz
Lunched at Bistro Chez Bleu
Where once the gang was a trio
Now there were only two
“There’s no decent reindeer anywhere”
Luz sulked and dropped her fork
Muffy sighed, “its out of fashion
But you knew that of course”
“Speaking of thing gone out of style
What did you do with Beth?”
“I wheeled her down to a group home
She rolled on my last nerve left”
Muffy asked, “How is Alfonso?”
“I hear he’s doing grand
Such a shame we needed his room
That reno was unplanned”
“Occasionally we get letters
For reunion pleading us
Frankly, they go straight to shredder
Neediness is tedious”
“Any new projects?” Muffy asked
“I took a page from Portia”
“Are you crazy? Committing fraud?
Or dealing in orphans?”
“Those are things that are just not done
Nothing… inelegant
I’m elevating charity
Making it more relevant”
“She was right about the justice system
The whole thing is rotten
Inmates linger in filthy cells
By the world, forgotten”
“So, I’ve committed to fix it
To let dignity ring
I’ve become a prison mentor
With felon under my wing”
“She reports to me her progress
Gives run down of her chores
Work beneath the righteous wives
Reforming for her I’m sure”
“Oh my, that sounds restorative
Muffy bubbled with glee
“Any chance you’ll meet with her soon
Now that, I’d love to see”
****
Inmates entered the visiting room
Guards barked out commands
Muffy and Luz sat by the glass
Receivers in their hands
Muffy’s eyes sparkled with delight
Seeing Luz’s project
Now this was a soul needing reform
Looking ragged, unkempt
Luz spoke into her receiver:
“Have you been doing good?
Are you staying out of trouble?
Like a model inmate should?”
Muffy produced Japanese fan
“It’s awful hot in here
What in god is that yeasty smell?
It reeks of rotten beer”
“Guards say you cell’s been messy
Grub’s constipating you
That jumpsuit fits like a trash bag
What’s with those hideous shoes?”
“Just think, in a decade you’re out
After you’ve made amends
This decor drab and depressing
Are you making any friends?”
“Time to say our affirmations
Repeat them after me:
I’m a felon worthy of love
Self-respect, dignity”
“Come, come now, please don’t be bashful
Self-love its own reward
I’d hate to have this non-compliance
Brought before parole board”
“Shame you can’t wear your wig in here
There’s no need to hunch low
Even if your wrinkles cracking
And it seems you’ve lost your glow”
“Adieu, until we meet next week
Don’t let your cellmate extort you
Muffy, it’s time to run, let’s go
Say goodbye to Portia”
***
Up in Koopman’s condo
Noel sat by the fire
Killer snuggled at the girl’s feet
No home in town higher
Swaddled in a cashmere sweater
Sporting a wide brim hat
Eating brownies, cookies, and sweets
For once, putting on fat
Orphan set her cocoa down
And rung a tiny bell
In wandered youngest Chloe
“How can I help, Noel?”
“There’s so much to do at the store
It’s hard to make the rounds
Give me a rundown of numbers
Full department breakdown”
***
Downstairs department store swarming
The most shoppers in years
Now that Noel was running things
Old problems disappeared
Chloe opened a folio
And ran down the figures
How each department was thriving
Slowly growing bigger
“Roxanne making a splash in hosiery
Penny killing dinning
Suzy doing wonders with make-up
I’m thinking of resigning”
“Aren’t you happy?” asked Noel
“Of course,” answered Chloe
“Everything is running so smoothly
The store doesn’t need me”
“Even Harriet’s faring well
Heading security
No one wants to mess with her now
Power for all to see”
“Street Rats run our loss prevention
Been weeks without a thief
They know every trick in the book
Zero chance for a cheat”
“Good thing they’re finally showered”
Chloe said with a grimace
“Their B.O. had its own zip code
Perfume has its limits”
“What’s next?” Chloe asked Noel
“Tattoos with Dolores?”
“I’m going to meet an old friend
Need to hit the florist”
***
Dunn was at the cemetery
Formal police attire
He laid flowers down on the ground
Where wife and child retired
"Howdy, Sergeant!” Came a greeting
He turned to see Noel
Carrying bunches of roses
Daises, tulips as well
“Whoa there! Ms. Fancy,” he told her
“We get that you’re wealthy
You didn’t need to bring so much
Two bouquets is plenty”
“Relax, guy, they’re not all for you
These for your child and wife
Others are going to some one
To whom I owe my life”
“Did you discover your mother?
Able to find her name?”
Noel shook her head, shed a tear
“I’m sorry, that’s a shame”
“I’m going to place them on the grave
Of the unknown orphan
Just as easy could have been me
Had I other fortunes”
“Speaking of good luck, how’s it feel?
To go from rags to riches?”
“It came with the price of my dad…
…Anyone know where Nick is?”
“We searched the banya and the North Pole
Through marshes, sloughs fishing
We rounded all the Gulag Gang
But Nick among the missing
It seems he just up and vanished
Crept through hole in time ripped”
“This is not the first time my dad
Gave authorities the slip”
“But look at all the money I got
This grand inheritance
Nick had assets all over town
Shame it came with his parenting”
“Who knows? Maybe he’s in Cairo
Or monastery climbed to
Perhaps the Amazon basin
He maybe right behind you”
“It’s hard to disappear these days
Everything’s connected
If he pops his head above water
I’m sure we’ll detect it”
“Sure!” Noel laughed with a shudder
Under parasol shade
She failed to notice the groundskeeper
A teen with eyes of jade
***
Steve Koopman was at the helm
His ship on wild sea
Sold Noel the store, penthouse floors
For once, completely free
In his favorite Hawaiian shirt
Through the weather bracing
Mercedes sea sick and freezing
Mounting problems facing
She tried to cut a new diss track
But there was no wi-fi
She demanded the sea be quiet
Steve said: “I’ll give a try”
Overboard lost her mobile phone
Wave drenched through fast fashion
Soaked to the bone, so far from home
With imagination lacking
“This life is unacceptable
Now turn this ship around
Take me back to the big city
Just take me back to town”
Mr. Koopman comforted her
“This this is our home now
We’ll go where fair winds blow
Through unknown waves we’ll plow”
“Well I don’t want to be rootless
Or some high sea rover
This is just your mid-life crisis
How soon will it all be over?”
Just then Pearl appeared on deck
“Do you come with a dimmer?
You’re spoiling our honeymoon
Mercedes, please, simmer”
“You can’t tell me to relax, Pearl
You’re not my mother”
“No. She’s got five to ten in the pen
I’m sure that you still love her”
Then her father intervened
“Mercedes, please be calm
You’ve got to learn some self-control
Listen to your step-mom”
“I hate you! I hate you!” She barked
Mercedes stormed below
But only to fight nausea
From hull that rocked and rolled
Pearl wrapped arms around Steve Koopman
Pondered unwanted freight
Time would come to dump Mercedes
To jettison dead weight
Steve Koopman sighed and told her
This view reminds him of Izzy
“I wonder if he’d like this tour
Or if he misses me..”
***
High in the Andes, a problem
Llama, alpaca missing
The herders struck by revelation
Creature nightly visiting
Reports in Quechua blast out
Of beast wrapped up in fur
A massive thing with spots of black
No puma, they were sure
Trackers found prints in the snow
Was it hoof? Or were they boot?
Judging from their depth folks figured
Four hundred pounds… a brute
Elders told tale of times gone by
Only on coldest years
When evil enters hearts of men
An ice demon creeps near
Ruprecht they called him long ago
Justice kept him busy
This moonless Christmas he’s returned
But now they call him: Izzy
***
THE END
***
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