Our Altered Life - Parenting A Child With Disabilities: CHARLIE BESWICK

BLUE MUMDAYS

This week's episode is a wonderful lesson in triumphing over adversity - a brave, beautiful and inspiring conversation for 'Blue Monday'. My guest is the incredible Charlie Beswick of facial disfigurement and visible difference charity 'More Than A Face'. Charlie is mum to twins Oliver and Harry - Harry was born with a rare craniofacial condition and is also autistic. Her experience led to her writing her best-selling book 'Our Altered Life', a brutally honest account of how she came to terms with a life she never expected and often resented.

UPDATE: This conversation was recorded in Spring 2022 - Charlie's beautiful wedding did go ahead on 24th April, with Harry playing 'You Are My Sunshine' on piano as she walked down the aisle.

*TRIGGER WARNING: *Birth Trauma, Feelings of Suicide, Negative Reactions to Disability*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:47] Introduction to Charlie.

[03:20] Life before motherhood.

[04:43] Finding out she was having twins.

[08:12] The pregnancy - feeling good, followed by bed rest.

[09:52] The birth - waters breaking at 32 weeks.

[12:49] Meeting the boys.

[15:03] The shock of hearing Harry's diagnosis.

[19:16] Lack of support.

[20:48] Hiding behind a smile.

[23:40] The impact on her partner and her relationship.

[25:25] Coming out of hospital.

[26:50] Getting used to the ICU, feeling like a visitor rather than a mother.

[29:12] Bringing the boys home.

[32:32] Becoming aware that she needed help. Muscle memory of the shock.

[36:05] The relationship with Oli.

[39:05] The power of validation.

[39:41] Finally breaking down in front of her mum.

[41:07] Receiving Harry's diagnosis of Autism.

[45:40] Reaching rock bottom - planning to take her life. *TRIGGER WARNING*

[46:43] Recovery - medication and counselling.

[48:20] The need for self compassion.

[50:30] Charlie's work - charity 'More Than A Face' and helping mums accept their 'grief'.

[54:27] The affect on Oli of having a sibling with additional needs.

[58:07] The boys now, as teenagers.

[1:00:15] The happy ending.

[1:01:58] Charlie's book, charting her motherhood journey, 'Our Altered Life'.

[1:03:03] How to get hold of Charlie.

[1:03:33] Advice for when meeting a parent of a child with additional needs.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Support for parents of multiples via the Twins Trust (formerly TAMBA)
2. For more information about Harry's condition, Goldenhar syndrome, please click this link.
3. For parents of children with Autism, charity 'Ambitious About Autism' have a Parent Toolkit which may be helpful to you.
4. Listen to our special episodes on Self Compassion Part 1 and Self Compassion Part 2 with Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8.
5. The 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation will help you relax, reset and recharge any time you need it. You don't need to meditate - just close your eyes and listen to Poonam's words.
6. Charlie's work supporting other mums via her website Our Altered Life.
7. Charlie's charity More Than A Face was set up to raise awareness of facial disfigurement and promote understanding, acceptance and inclusion.
8. You can order Charlie's book 'Our Altered Life: A Mother's Heartbreak and the Boys Who Saved Her' on this link (published under Charlene Beswick).
9. You can read and download Chapter One for free here.

Early intervention is hugely important in terms of getting help. The earlier you seek support, the better in terms of your recovery.If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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NEXT EPISODE:

Next week I speak to Amy Leigh Looper, a maternal leadership coach based in the United States. After a hugely successful career in enterprise software sales, Amy suffered postpartum depression with both her children. We discuss the impact this had on her life and how she has turned her drive and knowledge to coaching mums on her maternal leadership program, which reduces fear and anxiety and encourages connection, confidence and growth.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER.

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

*SPECIFIC TO THIS EPISODE:

The Katie Piper Foundation

www.katiepiperfoundation.org.uk

The Katie Piper Foundation helps individuals with burns and scars.

Changing Faces

www.changingfaces.org.uk

Changing Faces support anyone with disfigurements of the face, hands and body.

Helpline: 0300 0120 275 (lines open Monday – Friday 10am – 4pm)

Skin Camouflage: 0300 0120 276 (line open Monday – Friday 10am – 4pm)

Let’s Face It

www.lets-face-it.org.uk

Let’s Face It are a support network for anyone with facial disfigurement, as well as their families.

Saving Faces

www.savingfaces.co.uk

Support for anyone undergoing the treatment of Orofacial Cancers, trauma as well as other facial disfigurements, plus support for their families.

Contact a Family

www.cafamily.org.uk

Contact a Family offer support for all childhood conditions, are also able to put families in touch. Featuring a directory of conditions and rare disorders online.

Helpline: 0808 808 3555 (lines open Monday – Friday 9.30am – 5pm)

CLAPA – Cleft Lip and Palate Association

www.clapa.com

Information and support on cleft lip and palate treatment.

British Association of Skin Camouflage

www.skin-camouflage.net

Helping patients to increase confidence by the skilful application of skin camouflage.

Headlines

www.headlines.org.uk

Support to those affected by Craniosynostosis and associated conditions. Providing factual information and links to appropriate medical establishments experienced in treating these conditions. We also provide a friendly and confidential telephone helpline to all those affected.

About Face

www.omfsaboutface.co.uk

ABOUTFACE is a Patients’ and Carers’ support group. It has merged with a National Charity called Facial Surgery Research Foundation. It aims at helping present and future patients and carers to live through a difficult part of their lives as they are coping with the treatment of Orofacial Cancers, Trauma and other facial disfigurements.

The Healing Foundation

www.thehealingfoundation.org.uk

The Healing Foundation is a national fundraising charity championing the cause of people living with disfigurement and visible loss of function, by funding research into pioneering surgical and psychological healing techniques.

Facing the World

www.facingtheworld.net

Facing the World is a unique UK charity that exists to provide life-changing craniofacial surgery to some of the world’s most disadvantaged and vulnerable children from developing countries affected by severe facial disfigurements.

National Autistic Society

www.autism.org.uk

Support and advice for parents and carers of autistic children, including support to develop a greater understanding of their child’s needs and accessing services that meet the family's needs.

*GENERAL SUPPORT:

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: [e-mail]

Tel: [phone]

ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association

National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists

866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET

ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity

Call us - 0151 541 9020

Email - [e-mail]

AIMS for better birthing.

Email: [e-mail]

This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.

Telephone: [phone]

You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/

Email: [e-mail]

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868

Email: [e-mail]

Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering

evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy

and early stages of parenting.

App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides

24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK

email: [e-mail]

Birth Trauma Association

Email: [e-mail]

CALM

Contact CALM

on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group

Email: [e-mail] (Liz Wise)

Mobile: [phone]

Contact: for families with disabled children

Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.

• helpline: 0808 808 3555
• website: https://contact.org.uk/

Dad Matters

Support dads to have successful relationships with their families, with mental health and accessing services through peer support and signposting.

[e-mail]

0161 344 0669

DadsNet

Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Dope Black Dads

A digital safe space for fathers who wish to discuss their experiences of being black, a parent and masculinity in the modern world.

[e-mail]

Family Lives

An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

• helpline: 0808 800 2222
• website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group

Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.

• helpline: 0808 801 0366
• website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out

https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/

Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore

A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.

Email: [e-mail]

Gingerbread

Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.

• helpline: 0808 802 0925
• website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope

A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies

Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.

Email: [e-mail]

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)

Email: [e-mail]

Maternal OCD

Peer support available, email [e-mail] to

arrange

Mayah's Legacy

Supporting and empowering anyone who has experienced pregnancy loss to advocate for themselves.

Email: [e-mail]

0300 102 1596

The Motherhood Group

Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.

[e-mail]

Motivational Mums Club

Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.

[e-mail]

Music Football Fatherhood

Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.