Episode 118: More Medium Effort Advice: "Past Me Had it All Figured Out..."

Medium Lady Talks

Hello, hi! Today’s episode is more Medium Effort Advice. In this episode our listener asked “Past me seemed to have it all figured out. I look at pictures from 2-3 years ago and I want to get back to that but right now everything feels too hard. What do I do?” This episode is for you if you feel like you used to be on top of things, but somehow, you’ve gotten off track.

Episode Summary

• Check in: I’m fighting the end of a cold (sorry for the congestion!) and all of my October anticipation (yay! Events! Friends! Family!) is colliding with that common desire to just cancel everything and stay home.
• Today’s listener asks a question (sent on IG) about how to get back on track, especially when comparing your current self to your past self.
• High effort problem solving: the high effort approach will quickly flex to muscle things back to ‘the way they were’. This approach tries to solve the problem by taking a deficit-minded approach to goal setting. This approach might take on a “self-care project” that will demonstrate achievement or future transformation. While you may get a high from the initial goal setting, eventually these radical goals are hard to sustain and may perpetuate the cycle when you find yourself “off track” again.
• Low effort problem solving: This approach sees the problem as very overwhelming and dreads a future where everything is even worse. They spend so much time catastrophizing the future they become anxious and overwhelmed. Because of this, the low effort personality will avoid their core emotions and escape by performing activities that change the external environment. These activitiies usually keep their hands busy in a way that temporarily helps “shut off” those emotions.
• Medium Effort problem solving: Instead of the ideal future, the troubled past, or the dreaded future, what if wes set goals based on our resourceful past? *these 4 ideas are from the Dialectical Orientation Quadrant studied and published by Dr. Haesun Moon (see resources).
• Medium effort goal setting addresses what’s happened between that “past you” and the present - reflecting on the passage of time, evaluating the themes of your past and reviewing what you’re proud of and how you’ve tackled challenges. This approach allows you to fill in the gaps between here and there adn acknowledge that there’s many things that influenced change over time.
• Mindfully setting goals after acknowledging the past enables you to acknowledge present you and use what has gone well in the past to support your future growth and goal achievement.
• Mindful Fun: Build a playlist to ground you in the present season. These songs might include some nostalgic favourites but should be focused on what you’re enjoying right now. Enjoy the playlist whenever you’re engaging in tasks or habits to support your new goals. Let the music you choose today represent your current season of life so future you can remember this time fondly.

A Moment of Gratitude:

• I share my gratitude for my parents both for hosting my youngest two sons for a sleep over but also to acknowledge our evolving relationship and the ways that our relationship has been able to evolve to meet our needs and the season of life we find ourselves in. Mom and Dad, I love you both very much.

Other Resources Mentioned:

Coaching A to Z: The Extraordinary Use of Ordinary Words by Dr. Haesun Moon

Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski

Other Episodes you might like:

Episode 117: Medium Effort Advice - “Help! I’m doing too many things and none of them well!”

Episode 83: Is your Self-Care Helpful or Harmful? A Book Review of “Real Self-Care” by Dr. Pooja Lakshmin

Episode 69: Unlocking the Simple Secrets of Goal Setting with guest Jillian O’Keefe

Episode 62: Gentle Goal Setting for Burnt Out Mothers and Millennials

Medium Lady Reads Episode 28 - Your TBR is Just a Version of Your Ideal Self

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