067: How to Change Yourself: Slow Adjustments vs Instant Transformation

Inner Work with Steli Efti

I've been reading a book about personal change and anger, and one paragraph early on in the book stood out to me:

[If we want to change ourselves, we should do it] very slowly, no matter how crazy or self-defeating our current behavior appears to be.

It exists for a reason and may serve a positive and protective function for ourselves and others. If we want to change, it is important to do so slowly so that we have the opportunity to observe and test out the impact of one small, but significant change on a relationship system. If we get ambitious, and try to change too much, too fast, we may not change at all.

Instead, we may stir up so much anxiety and emotional intensity within ourselves and others as to eventually reinstate old patterns and behaviors, or we may end up hastily cutting off from an important relationship, which is not necessarily a good solution.

- The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner

In this episode, I talk about the benefits of slow change, and why radical transformations are often more sizzle than steak.

Shownotes: https://steliefti.com/change-slowly/

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