Dear Evil Engineer: Could I fire-bomb my office with a flock of incendiary seagulls?

Evil Engineer

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2y ago 7:46

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This month’s correspondent is determined not to return to the office, even if that necessitates using hundreds of gulls to burn it to the ground.

Dear Evil Engineer,

If I were in senior management, I’d insist office-based working is essential for employee productivity and company culture. However, I am not, and I refuse to tolerate the proposed return to the office after 18 comfortable months of working from home. I hate the anonymous openplan office; I hate the commute; and most of all I hate the mob of aggressive gulls that descends on anyone walking back to the building at lunch with a meal deal.

I plan to kill two birds with one stone; the two birds being the return to the office and the gull mob, and the stone being an incendiary seagull bomb. Is it possible to weaponise the flock of gulls to take out the office building?

Yours,
An ornithophobic villain

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