Even Lea Michele Is Having a Better Week Than Doja Cat

Don’t Let This Flop

Don’t tell us not to live, just sit and puttah! Life’s candy and the sun’s a ball of butta! Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on our paraaaaaade. Listen, as far as we’re concerned, there is only one story this week, and that is Lea Michele being officially cast as Beanie Feldstein’s replacement in the Broadway revival of Funny Girl. Not to be dramatic but it is the most formative event in history since the Indus Valley development of modern grain farming in 4,000 BCE, without which we would have no cereal! But in the event that you are not deeply invested in the fact that the girl from Glee will be assuming the role of Fanny Brice in a revival of a mediocre Broadway show from the 1960s, this week we’ve also got Elon Musk copping to a breeder fetish, Tucker Carlson shrieking like a bat about how porn and antidepressants cause school shootings, Doja Cat getting canceled for being too horny for Joseph Quinn, and Drew Barrymore barking, for some reason, because she learned how to count windows. [In Larry David voice] Good for her!

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