NRR 3 - Who is Chester Chase?

Benny's Grab Bag

Chester Chase, a manly man who out manlies other men of the manly variety. I realize that sounds like I’m overselling, but you have to understand, this guy is on a whole other level. My name is Vox and you’re listening to Not Really Radio

Today’s big news is about a Chester Chase sighting in our own little corner of the Mitten. For those of you who know Chase, he needs no introduction. For the rest of you though, rather than spend a lot of time trying to explain who or what Chester Chase is, I put the word out asking for Chester Chase sightings and boy did his worldwide fan club deliver! Here are a few eye witness accounts from the hundreds submitted - of Mr. Chase’s accomplishments, at least the ones not declared Top Secret. The list is as follows:

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• Scot from Loch Ness wrote in: Chester Chase had a pet as a child, her name was Nessie, she lives in Scotland. There’s only ever been one photograph of her swimming in the Loch. Well, besides the one on Chester’s mantle at her graduation from flight school where he taught her how to pilot a U-2 spy plane.
• Buzz but not Lightyear from Montclair New Jersey writes: I was a part of the Appollo 11 mission. Chester Chase knows the recipe for Coca Cola, all 11 of the Colonel’s herbs and spices and the secret ingredient of the Crabby Paddy formula. You may wonder how that’s relevant. Well, he gave them the NASA back in 1969. It’s what we used for rocket fuel, and is the only reason we made it to the moon. I know what you’re thinking, there were no crabby paddies in 1969. But Chase also knows the phone number for the TARDIS. So that takes care of that.
• Socrates sent a tweet all the way from Greece. He says: A yeti who lived atop a mountain in the middle of Lake Michigan once insulted Chester Chase’s mom. Chase couldn’t leave such a slur unanswered but was unwilling to hurt the yeti. Instead he punched the mountain. It sank. Birds still fly around the place it used to be out of respect. That yeti learned his lesson, apologized and is now the vice-president of Atlantis, which - surprisingly - is on the bottom of Lake Michigan.
• And finally, someone who refers to himself as “ the Bruno, but not the one you’re thinking, we can totally talk about this Bruno “, says: Chester Chase had to fly two shuttles into space to stop an asteroid from destroying earth. I was an actor in the documentary they made about it. That documentary is called Armageddon. Everything in the documentary is true, the only difference is Chase did the whole thing alone. Hollywood added all the extra characters to make the documentary more believable.

Now, odds are, you’re super impressed, as well you should be. But there’s also a possibility you’re wondering: Hey Vox, why does any of this matter?

That’s a good question. Chester Chase is a bounty hunter who specializes in cryptids. And with things like talking fish in the news, that’s the kind of guy we want on the radar! And as providence would have it, Mr. Chase makes his home right here in Tecumseh!

And that’s what brings us to yesterday’s Chester Chase sighting, right here in our own hometown: Agatha, an employee at the secret McDonald’s here in Tecumseh emailed me late yesterday: Hey Vox, brand new listener, long time fan, just wanted to let you know I just saw Chester Chase eat Chuck Norris’ last french fry and live to tell the tale. What a man!

Thanks Agatha, and just so you know, I’m a long time fan of yours too!

Suffice it to say, Tecumseh. Chester Chase is pretty darn impressive and we’re looking forward to hearing one of his adventures at the Not Really Radio event at Covenant Church on Saturday, April 30th at 7pm. Details can be found online at tecumsehcove.org/nrr

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