Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator - Boot Betty in the Bunsen Burner

Stinker Madness - The Bad Movie Podcast

Stinker Madness - The Bad Movie Podcast

6:47

Was she the victim of foul play, an accident, or did she choose to disappear? In this episode of The Vanished, we retrace Diana’s last known movements, strange witness accounts, and the lingering mystery that has never been solved or.. was never meant to be solved.

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Did Stephanie ever have to worry about the incinerator?

"Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator" is a delightful surprise that defies all expectations. As someone who was anticipating the typical over-the-top antics synonymous with Troma releases, I was completely taken aback by the film's unique charm. This movie is not just another exploitative romp; it's a cleverly written, weirdly funny, and remarkably well-directed gem that stands out in the world of low-budget cinema.

From the moment the film begins, it's clear that this is not your average Troma fare. The writing is sharp and unexpectedly nuanced, weaving a narrative that is as engaging as it is bizarre. The story, filled with twists and turns, keeps you guessing until the very end. It's a testament to the screenwriter's talent that a plot this offbeat can remain so coherent and entertaining throughout.

Humor plays a crucial role in "Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator," and it's executed with a finesse rarely seen in B-movies. The comedic elements are woven seamlessly into the fabric of the story, providing laughs that feel natural rather than forced. This film strikes a perfect balance between its darkly comedic moments and its more surreal, unsettling scenes, creating an experience that is both amusing and oddly captivating.

Perhaps the most impressive aspect of the movie is its direction. The film's director, surprisingly, manages to pull off a level of craftsmanship that rivals, and sometimes surpasses, many big-budget productions. The use of camera angles, the pacing, and the overall aesthetic are handled with a sophistication that belies the film's modest budget. Each scene is meticulously crafted, enhancing the narrative and adding depth to the characters in ways that are rarely seen in this genre.

"Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator" is a hidden treasure in the Troma catalog. It's a film that not only entertains but also challenges the conventions of what a low-budget movie can achieve. If you're looking for a movie that is weird, funny, and exceptionally well-made, this is one you won't want to miss. It is a testament to the idea that creativity and talent can shine through, regardless of budget constraints.

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Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator - Boot Betty in the Bunsen Burner

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Did Stephanie ever have to worry about the incinerator?

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1
Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal. This plane's going down just like Fred Durst's career! 1:31:34

6 днів тому1:31:34

1:31:34

Ah, Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal. A film so magnificently, obliviously ridiculous that it could only exist in the pre-9/11 era, where the greatest threat to air travel wasn’t terrorism, but satanic heavy metal concerts broadcast live from a 747 . Yes, that’s the plot. And no, it does not get any smarter from there. Let’s start with the hero we never asked for: Slade Craven (yes, that’s his real name), a Marilyn Manson knockoff who looks like Hot Topic threw up on a scarecrow. This man struts onto the plane in full goth-rock regalia, sneering at everyone like he just walked out of a badly lit music video, but give him 30 minutes and he transforms from a moody poser into an airborne action hero , karate-kicking terrorists and saving the day with all the grace of a drunk dad at a Slipknot concert. Watching him go from “edgy Rockstar” to “Die Hard protagonist” is like watching Ozzy Osbourne suddenly pilot a space shuttle. It makes no sense, and that’s why it’s beautiful. The cast, if you can call them that, behaves less like humans and more like malfunctioning AI programmed by someone who thinks they understand human emotions. Dialogue is delivered with all the enthusiasm of a hostage video, and nobody reacts to anything with the appropriate level of concern. At one point, a terrorist hijacks the plane, and the reaction from the crew is roughly equivalent to someone realizing they forgot to pay their internet bill. And then there’s Joe Mantegna , who spends every scene looking like he wandered onto the wrong set and refused to leave . His job is to play an FBI agent trying to make sense of the madness, but he mostly just stares into the abyss, radiating the same exhausted energy as a substitute teacher dealing with a class that just discovered energy drinks. You can feel him asking himself, Why am I here? The answer: we don’t know, Joe. We really don’t. The villains? Well, they think they’re terrorists, but their actual motivation is so incoherent that by the time their master plan is revealed ( summoning Satan via airplane concert??? ), you’ll have given up on logic entirely. There’s hacking, plane fights, a shockingly high number of fake Slade Cravens, and an ending so abrupt it feels like the film itself decided it had suffered enough. Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal is cinematic junk food at its absolute worst—and most entertaining. It’s a movie that doesn’t just jump the shark; it hijacks the shark midair, flies it into a storm, and then fights Satan on top of it. If you love bad movies, this one deserves a place on your shelf, right next to a can of expired Monster Energy and a broken Playstation 2 controller.…

1
Dancing Ninja - Sho Kosugi should've popped and locked more 1:36:12

20 днів тому1:36:12

1:36:12

Fact: Real ninjas throughout history used jazz hands to assassinate their targets. "Dancing Ninja" might not be everyone's cup of tea, but if you're into a movie that revels in its own absurdity, you'll find a lot to love here. The film's corny jokes hit just the right note, and its satire—though subtle at times—adds a clever twist that keeps you on your toes. Every member of the cast and crew clearly put a tremendous amount of effort into the project, infusing each scene with passion and a genuine commitment to the film’s offbeat vision. And then there's David Hasselhoff—majestic, as always. His performance is a standout, lending the movie an unexpected layer of charm and gravitas amidst all the wild, no-holds-barred antics. "Dancing Ninja" isn’t afraid to take risks; it brings big old balls to the table and holds nothing back, making for a refreshingly bold viewing experience. In short, while this movie may not be for everyone, its unapologetic style and relentless energy are exactly what make it such a cult favorite. If you're in the mood for a film that dares to be different, "Dancing Ninja" is definitely worth a watch. Special Interview! with Harry Medved and Harry Pallenberg from "Locationland" on PBSSocal Harry and Harry have a great show in which they search out some of the hidden and forgotten locations and sets used in some of our favorite movies. Stinker Madness royalty Joe Dante and genius of the century Dana Gould guest on some of their episodes, among others. Be sure to check out their new episode about Plan Nine from Outer Space! Find all their content on YouTube:…

1
A Murder of Crows - Just sell your novel and use the funds to fight injustice, stupid 1:40:02

5 weeks тому1:40:02

1:40:02

A Murder of Time - The old "write a best-selling novel and give it to your enemy for revenge" caper "A Murder of Crows" is a nonsensical thriller that manages to take an interesting premise and turn it into a complete mess. The plot centers around a "corrupt" lawyer named Lawson, played by Cuba Gooding Jr., who, after being framed for a murder he didn't commit, goes down a rabbit hole of trying to find out who did it. Rather than doing the smart thing—turning the evidence over to the authorities—he decides to get involved in a ridiculous scheme to clear his name. What follows is a convoluted, poorly paced disaster that defies logic at every turn. First off, the characters are flat and unconvincing. Lawson, somehow manages to look both confused and smug throughout the entire movie. The villain is so dubious, it's hard to take the stakes seriously. There’s no sense of tension or urgency in the narrative—just a series of random, out-of-place events that feel forced and contrived. The dialogue is clunky, and the attempts at deep philosophical musings on fate and justice come off as completely hollow. The plot twists? They’re ridiculous. Rather than being suspenseful, they’re more likely to make you roll your eyes and wonder how the filmmakers managed to stretch such a thin idea into a feature-length film. The whole premise is absurd. From the moment the movie starts, it feels like the writers took a random collection of crime clichés and decided to throw them together without any real thought. It’s hard to understand who this film was made for—perhaps the genre’s most diehard fans who are willing to suspend all reason, but for anyone else, it’s a frustrating and pointless experience. "A Murder of Crows" is a poorly executed thriller that doesn't deserve your time. Save yourself the trouble and skip it.…

1
Turbulence 2: Fear of Flying...and plot! 1:40:56

6 weeks тому1:40:56

1:40:56

Ever wondered what would happen if a group therapy session for people afraid of flying turned into a hostage situation? Neither did I, but Turbulence 2: Fear of Flying takes off with that premise and crashes it gloriously into the realm of “so bad it’s amazing.” The Plot (LOL): The movie starts with a group of nervous fliers boarding a fancy plane to conquer their aerophobia. But mid-flight, surprise! Hijackers reveal their master plan: not only to take over the plane but also unleash a deadly chemical weapon for… reasons? A ragtag group of passengers—including a guy who conquered his fear of flying just in time —must outwit the hijackers, survive turbulence (the metaphorical kind too), and prevent the worst-case scenario. The Cast: Craig Sheffer plays the reluctant everyman hero, Ryan Weaver, who, let's face it, spends the whole movie with a mix of confusion and mild constipation. Jennifer Beals is the love interest-slash-voice of reason, adding just enough gravitas to remind us this movie had a budget. The villain? A generic, vaguely Eastern European bad guy whose motivations are so nonsensical you’ll forget them halfway through the film. But hey, he’s got a leather jacket and a bad attitude, so that’s something! The Very Stupid Ending: Oh, the villain’s "brilliant" plan? It unravels with 30 minutes left. Turns out, unleashing chemical weapons while on the same plane wasn’t exactly a stroke of genius. The plot holes are large enough to fly a 747 through. By the time Ryan literally punches his way to victory (because in-flight security is no match for his fist), you’ll be rooting for the plane to land just so everyone can go home and think about their life choices. Why It's So Good: The dialogue is so cheesy you’ll get calcium poisoning. The special effects—mainly shaky cameras and stock footage of planes—make you nostalgic for middle school PowerPoint transitions. And the stakes? Well, let’s just say the characters might survive, but logic didn’t even make it through the opening credits. Final Verdict: Turbulence 2 is a disaster movie for people who love disasters—in every sense of the word. It’s the cinematic equivalent of finding out your in-flight meal is a microwaved ham sandwich: disappointing, weirdly satisfying, and undeniably hilarious when you’re at 30,000 feet. Grab some popcorn, and let this plane crash land straight into your guilty pleasure watchlist.…

1
Supervized - Look, no one wants to get old but this movie is worse than that. 1:30:26

7 weeks тому1:30:26

1:30:26

Grumpy Old Men but they can fart fire! In theory, Supervized could have been a quirky, heartfelt exploration of aging superheroes grappling with retirement, purpose, and the loss of their glory days. In practice, it’s a tedious, joyless slog that squanders its promising premise on cheap gags, uninspired storytelling, and a finale so absurd it feels like the filmmakers gave up trying to make sense of their own plot. The story follows a group of retired superheroes living in a nursing home, a setting rife with potential for meaningful commentary or even genuinely funny moments. Instead, we’re treated to a series of groan-worthy jokes about old age that feel like they were ripped from a 1990s sitcom. The humor never rises above the most obvious low-hanging fruit: people forgetting things, struggling with bodily functions, and being generally "out of touch." It’s like the writers typed "old people jokes" into a search engine and just pasted the results into the script. The cast—featuring the likes of Tom Berenger, Beau Bridges, and Fionnula Flanagan—does its best to bring some life to the flat material, but even seasoned actors can only do so much with dialogue this uninspired. Berenger’s attempt to imbue his character with gravitas falls flat amidst the ham-fisted writing, while Bridges is left to play the clichéd role of the wacky sidekick who barely lands a laugh. As the film stumbles through its predictable and uninspired first two acts, you might hope for a twist or some emotional payoff to salvage the experience. Unfortunately, what you get instead is a third act so spectacularly stupid it feels like a parody of itself. The plot collapses into a nonsensical mess involving a villainous conspiracy and a half-baked action sequence that looks cheaper than your average cosplay convention. Supervized is a movie for no one. It takes an almost-interesting concept and smothers it with tired jokes, clunky dialogue, and an insulting lack of imagination. If you want to feel crappy about getting old, there are better options—watch About Schmidt or even The Bucket List. At least those films respect their audience enough to deliver something resembling insight or emotional depth. Avoid Supervized at all costs. It’s not just a bad superhero movie; it’s an affront to anyone who was hoping for even the faintest spark of creativity.…

1
Fanatic (AKA Last Horror Film) - Movie can't decide what it's title is, let alone what it's saying 1:21:41

8 weeks тому1:21:41

1:21:41

Give that Joe guy a raise! Everything else though.... Fanatic , released in 1982 and later distributed by Troma under the title The Last Horror Film , is an ambitious yet confused attempt at blending psychological thriller, horror, satire, and social commentary. Directed by David Winters, the film follows Vinny Durand (Joe Spinell), a socially awkward taxi driver in New York who dreams of becoming a Hollywood filmmaker. Vinny's obsession with horror star Jana Bates (Caroline Munro) takes a dark turn when he follows her to the Cannes Film Festival, believing he can convince her to star in his debut film. Soon, people connected to Jana begin to disappear, leaving the audience to wonder if Vinny’s fantasies have turned murderous. On the surface, Fanatic has all the trappings of a Taxi Driver knockoff, with Spinell’s Vinny bearing eerie similarities to De Niro’s Travis Bickle: a lonely man whose delusions of grandeur lead to a disturbing descent into obsession. However, where Taxi Driver offers a focused character study and searing critique of urban decay, Fanatic meanders between tones, never quite deciding what it wants to be. Is it a darkly comedic jab at the absurdity of the film industry, with its over-the-top Cannes sequences and caricatured players? A horror film dissecting the dangers of unchecked fandom? Or a social critique of anti-horror activists and censorship? The movie flirts with all these ideas but fails to commit to any, leaving the audience in a muddled state of uncertainty. There’s undeniable charm in its chaotic ambition, but the result is a mishmash of clashing themes and tonal inconsistencies. What Fanatic does have, however, is Joe Spinell. His performance is nothing short of extraordinary, especially given the film’s modest budget. Spinell imbues Vinny with a mix of vulnerability, creepiness, and manic energy that is utterly captivating. His ability to oscillate between pitiable and menacing elevates the film far beyond what one might expect from a low-budget production, especially one released by Troma. Spinell’s portrayal is a masterclass in character work, showing what can be achieved even in a film with clear limitations. Despite its flaws, Fanatic has its moments of intrigue and campy fun. The Cannes backdrop offers a unique setting for a horror film, and there’s an undeniable novelty in watching Spinell and Munro share the screen again after Maniac . But for all its ambition, Fanatic ultimately bites off more than it can chew. It’s a film that tries to be everything and ends up being little more than a curiosity piece—worth watching for Spinell’s mesmerizing performance, but a frustrating experience for those hoping for cohesion or a clear narrative purpose.…

1
Fair Game - See - Divorce court can get you killed. Stay married! 1:42:34

9 weeks тому1:42:34

1:42:34

"Fair Game" is the cinematic equivalent of a rollercoaster ride designed by someone who forgot to include safety measures, plot coherence, or the laws of physics—and somehow, it’s a blast to watch. Starring William Baldwin as Miami cop Max Kirkpatrick and Cindy Crawford as Kate McQuean, a sexy lawyer who becomes the inexplicable target of a rogue KGB faction, this movie is a glorious 90 minutes of car chases, explosions, and dialogue so wooden it could be used to build a log cabin. The Plot (If You Can Call It That) Kate McQuean, a lawyer who apparently moonlights as a fashion model (judging by her perpetual runway-ready appearance), files a lawsuit involving a derelict freighter owned by the bad guys. Naturally, this lawsuit sets off a chain reaction where the Russian mafia—consisting of the most cartoonishly evil ex-KGB agents imaginable—decides she must die at all costs. Why? Because, apparently, the freighter is tied to their secret cyber-criminal empire. Enter Max Kirkpatrick, a Miami cop with a perpetually bemused expression and an impressive ability to dodge bullets and logic. After an initial attack on Kate’s life, Max takes her on the run in a series of increasingly absurd scenarios involving exploding cars, shootouts, and moments that seem ripped from a B-grade romance novel. Along the way, they grow inexplicably closer—because nothing says “true love” like dodging RPGs and trading awkward one-liners. The Stupidity of the Plot (An Ode to Roger Ebert's "The Idiot Plot") According to Roger Ebert, the "Idiot Plot" is a story that would be resolved in five minutes if everyone involved weren't complete idiots. Fair Game not only adheres to this definition—it raises it to an art form. Why Is Kate Still Alive? The bad guys spend the entire movie trying to kill her with the kind of overcomplicated schemes that would make a Bond villain cringe. Why not just, you know, shoot her during the first attack? Or during any of the many opportunities when she’s standing perfectly still? Because then the movie would be 10 minutes long, and we wouldn’t get to see Cindy Crawford clinging to a speeding train in a crop top. The Villains’ Plan These are supposed to be elite ex-KGB agents, yet their plan revolves around a freighter, some random lawsuit, and an incomprehensible desire to destroy a woman who poses zero actual threat to their operations. Did these guys miss the "Espionage 101" class? Or did they just want an excuse to blow up every car in Miami? The Romance Max and Kate’s relationship is the kind of thing you’d expect from a bad fanfiction. They go from mutual disdain to making out amidst a hail of bullets, because apparently surviving death traps is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Their chemistry is nonexistent, but who cares? The movie is too busy exploding everything in sight to notice. Physics Be Damned From cars defying gravity to bulletproof mattresses, Fair Game operates in a universe where physics is optional. It’s like a live-action cartoon, but with more cleavage and sweat. The Verdict Fair Game is a masterpiece of unintentional hilarity. It’s a movie so inept that it loops back around to being entertaining. Baldwin looks confused, Crawford delivers every line like she’s reading a menu, and the plot...well, the plot is just an excuse for things to go BOOM. And honestly? We wouldn’t have it any other way. Grab some popcorn, suspend every ounce of disbelief you have, and enjoy the absurd chaos. Just don’t try to make sense of it. That way lies madness.…

1
Happy New Year - My mind is bonkers, because you aren't telling a story! 2:02:33

10 weeks тому2:02:33

2:02:33

Don't have enough plot to get to 3 hours? Just restate the plot of the movie 3 times and give your movie an hour of free time. "Happy New Year" has all the makings of an enjoyable Bollywood blockbuster—a promising story, decent acting, likable characters, and a handful of genuinely fun sequences. On paper, this sounds like a surefire recipe for entertainment. However, the film quickly falls prey to the worst habits of Bollywood: unnecessary bloat, juvenile execution, and a lifeless narrative that seems more concerned with padding out its 3-hour runtime than telling a compelling story. The plot, while intriguing in concept, drags at a snail's pace, feeling like it's perpetually stuck in quicksand. Every time the story starts to gain momentum, it’s bogged down by excessive filler, cheesy humor, or melodramatic detours that add nothing to the overall experience. The immaturity of the film's tone further undercuts its potential, making even its heartfelt moments feel contrived and insincere. At its core, "Happy New Year" feels like a hollow vehicle designed to sell records of its overhyped soundtrack. Any spark of originality or excitement is sucked out in favor of cookie-cutter dance numbers and uninspired montages. The result is a film that overstays its welcome, exhausting the viewer long before the credits roll. It’s a shame because there are glimmers of a much better movie buried underneath the excess. Unfortunately, this could have been an entertaining caper but ended up being a tedious slog instead. Bollywood can do better, and audiences deserve better.…

1
Elves - My grandpa is Heinrich Himmler? And he's my dad? And I'm Rosemary? And I'm going to prison? Xmas sucks, dude. 1:37:12

11 weeks тому1:37:12

1:37:12

It's really no wonder the Nazis lost the war. They are just too stupid. Antichristmas! If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a department store Santa got tangled up in a Nazi plot involving an evil elf, virgin sacrifice, and the Fourth Reich, then boy, do I have the movie for you. Elves (1989) isn’t just a bad movie—it’s a certifiable fever dream of absurdity, incompetence, and the kind of misguided ambition that makes it impossible to look away. Strap in, folks, because this isn’t your average Christmas horror flick; it’s a trainwreck wrapped in tinsel and doused in eggnog-flavored LSD. The Elf: Discount Gremlin in the Clearance Bin Let’s start with the titular "elf." If you’re expecting some sinister, well-designed creature, think again. The elf in Elves looks like it was cobbled together with paper mâché, a glue gun, and leftover Halloween masks from a garage sale. It’s about as mobile as a garden gnome and spends most of its time menacingly staring—or, more accurately, just sitting there while the actors pretend to be scared. This thing couldn’t terrorize a toddler, let alone usher in the apocalypse. The Plot: A Nazi Conspiracy, But Make It Festive You know a movie is destined for greatness when the plot hinges on Nazis breeding an elf to create the Antichrist. And the plan? Have said elf mate with a virgin before midnight on Christmas Eve. Because, of course, that’s the logical way to bring about the Fourth Reich. Never mind that this plan relies entirely on the elf being both horny and punctual. The sheer stupidity of it all is chef’s kiss. It’s like someone spun a wheel of bad ideas and just ran with everything it landed on. The plot holes are big enough to fly a sleigh through. For instance, how is this elaborate Nazi elf scheme thwarted? Mostly by the combined incompetence of everyone involved. It’s almost laughable how easily the heroes stumble into foiling it—imagine if someone like, I don’t know, the mall cop had been paying attention. They’d have wrapped this whole thing up in ten minutes. Dan Haggerty: Santa’s Hungover Cousin Dan Haggerty stars as Mike, a chain-smoking ex-detective who looks like Santa’s cousin who didn’t make the Nice List. Haggerty spends the entire movie sleepwalking through his lines with the charisma of a wet sock. His delivery is so wooden it’s a miracle he doesn’t spontaneously combust near the Christmas tree. And drunk? Oh, you bet. Whether he actually was or he’s just an acting savant, there’s an undeniable “boozy uncle” energy that only adds to the film’s charm. Watching him go toe-to-toe with Nazi elves is a gift that keeps on giving. The Scenes: Bonkers with a Bow On Top Every scene in Elves feels like it was conceived in a vacuum of logic and coherence. Highlights include: A little boy staring at his sister's nude body and then getting into a tickle fight with her. Yipes! The icy cold mom getting electrocuted in the tub and teaching Ben Kingsley about death scenes. The elf randomly stabbing people, despite having no visible motor skills. Dan Haggerty barging into a Christmas dinner only to have the dad explain the Nazi/Virgin/Elf/Impregnate scheme in front of his family. By the time the movie wraps up, you’ll be questioning your life choices but also kind of thankful for the chaos you just witnessed. Final Thoughts: The Christmas Catastrophe You Didn’t Know You Needed Elves is a rare gem that transcends badness and loops back around into brilliance. It’s not a movie; it’s an experience. From the laughable special effects to the sheer audacity of its plot, to Dan Haggerty looking like he’d rather be anywhere else, Elves is the gift that keeps on giving. Gather your friends, crack open some drinks, and bask in the glow of a movie so insane it’s practically a holiday tradition waiting to happen. Merry Christmas, you filthy animals. ⯑⯑…

1
Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation - Start by vacuuming 1:39:25

12 weeks тому1:39:25

1:39:25

It's definitely not "garbage day" at Kim's place. Get a broom, woman! Oh, Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation . Where do I even begin with this glorious, messy fever dream of a movie? This isn't just bad—it's transcendentally bad. The kind of bad that rockets past mere mediocrity into the stratosphere of so-bizarre-you-can’t-look-away. It’s like a snowglobe filled with pure nonsense, shaken up, and dumped all over the screen. Let’s start with the story—or whatever approximation of a story this is. Something about witchcraft? Reincarnation? Slugs? And Christmas? The plot (if you can call it that) unravels like a stream-of-consciousness poem written by someone halfway through a mushroom trip. Every scene feels like it was written in isolation, handed off to a new writer, and then smashed together without a second glance. It’s the cinematic equivalent of someone trying to explain their nightmare to you: incoherent, surreal, and yet, oddly captivating. Each moment begs the question: "What the heck am I even watching?" And honestly, I’m not sure if the world's greatest philosophers, theologians, and Reddit theorists combined could figure it out. And oh, the acting. Special mention goes to our lead actress, whose performance is... something else . She delivers her lines with the charisma of a day-old bagel, and her reactions to the increasingly absurd situations around her are so wooden they could give Pinocchio a run for his money. Yet somehow, this adds to the film’s charm. Her complete inability to sell the madness she’s surrounded by only amplifies the chaos, like she herself wandered onto set accidentally and decided to just roll with it. Now let’s talk about the gross-out factor . This movie is disgustingly, gleefully out of place with its grotesque visuals. Slugs. Melted corpses. Weird ritual goo. It’s like someone decided to combine The Fly with Rosemary’s Baby but threw in some festive tinsel as a last-minute afterthought. And yet...it’s fascinating. You can’t help but marvel at the sheer audacity of it all. Christmas horror should not involve this much slime, and yet here we are, neck-deep in it. But truly, the crowning jewel of Initiation is its sheer unintelligibility. You will laugh. You will cry (out of confusion). You will desperately wish for a panel of scientists to explain why there’s a scene where giant bugs crawl out of a man’s stomach. And still, you’ll love every nonsensical moment because it’s so unabashedly weird and earnest in its ridiculousness. If you’re looking for a holiday classic that’s as delightfully deranged as a fruitcake filled with live eels, Silent Night, Deadly Night 4 is your movie. It’s the perfect trainwreck to watch with friends, preferably with a few spiked eggnogs, as you collectively try to figure out just how this movie ever got made. Spoiler alert: you won’t. But the fun is in the attempt.…

1
Black Friday - Does not star Ice Cube, racist 1:11:40

15 weeks тому1:11:40

1:11:40

So the kaiju is a half-turkey/half-shopper hybrid. That helps.... a little. Black Friday had the potential to be a fun and memorable addition to the horror-comedy genre. The premise of retail workers battling zombified Black Friday shoppers is clever, relatable, and ripe for satirical commentary on consumer culture. Unfortunately, the execution leaves much to be desired, resulting in a film that struggles to rise above mediocrity. While the movie isn’t outright terrible, it’s glaringly uncreative. From the predictable character archetypes to the formulaic progression of the plot, it feels like a patchwork of familiar tropes we've seen countless times before. There’s the disgruntled manager, the plucky misfit hero, and the obligatory chaos of people turning into monsters, but none of it is done in a way that feels fresh or inventive. The humor, which should have been the film's saving grace, rarely lands. It relies on stale, low-hanging jokes rather than sharp wit or clever dialogue. Even the horror elements fall flat, with generic creature designs and uninspired set pieces that fail to leave an impression. The film tries to balance comedy and scares but ends up doing neither particularly well. That’s not to say Black Friday is without merit. The cast, which includes horror veteran Bruce Campbell, brings some charm to the proceedings, and there are a few fleeting moments of entertainment. But these highlights aren’t enough to compensate for the lackluster script and lack of originality. In the end, Black Friday is a forgettable experience. It’s not a bad movie, but it’s far from memorable. With its promising concept, it could have been so much more, but as it stands, it’s just another derivative entry in a genre filled with better alternatives. Watch it if you’re bored, but don’t expect to be wowed.…

1
Alone in the Dark - Or Just Close the Damn Door! 1:48:07

16 weeks тому1:48:07

1:48:07

What is the point of any of this??? What does life even mean anymore?!?! Watching Alone in the Dark is like stepping into a surreal nightmare where logic, talent, and coherence take a permanent vacation. Directed by Uwe Boll, the film somehow manages to turn a moderately creepy video game series into a cinematic trainwreck so inexplicably bad it’s almost mesmerizing. Let’s start with Tara Reid, whose performance as "Dr. Aline Cedrac" is the kind of thing you’d expect from someone who Googled “archaeologist” five minutes before arriving on set. Reid delivers lines like she’s trying to remember if she left the oven on, her scientist character less "Indiana Jones" and more "lost intern who wandered into the wrong set." Her chemistry with Christian Slater is nonexistent—though to be fair, Slater himself looks like he’s plotting his escape mid-scene. The plot is the cinematic equivalent of dumping puzzle pieces from three different games onto the floor and calling it "art." Something about ancient artifacts, a secret government agency, monsters from another dimension, and the unexplained disappearance of common sense. Characters reference backstories and motivations that the movie never bothers to show or explain, leaving viewers wondering if they accidentally skipped an hour. But don’t worry—it wouldn’t make sense even if you had the context. Nothing in this world adheres to any internal logic. The creatures are impervious to bullets until they suddenly aren’t, characters forget their own objectives, and physics behaves like it’s being controlled by a drunken toddler with a dartboard. There’s a moment when flashlights become pivotal to survival, except the characters don’t seem particularly invested in keeping them working. Why? Who knows! Consistency is for amateurs. Then there’s the action, if you can call it that. Imagine someone yelling, “Action!” and the cast collectively deciding to flop around and fire guns into the dark. The choreography is stilted, the editing is headache-inducing, and the monster effects are so bad they look like rejected renders from a 90s PC game. Somehow, Uwe Boll takes things that should be inherently exciting—gunfights, explosions, and supernatural horror—and makes them as thrilling as watching beige paint dry. And yet, in its complete and utter failure at being a movie, Alone in the Dark achieves a kind of perverse charm. It’s like a black hole of quality so dense it warps reality into something entertaining. You can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all—the wooden acting, the nonsensical dialogue, the budget-bin special effects. It’s a film you watch with friends, drinks, and the understanding that you’re witnessing a masterpiece of mediocrity. Verdict: Alone in the Dark is not just bad—it’s spectacularly, gloriously, hilariously bad. For aficionados of cinematic disasters, it’s a must-watch. For everyone else? Save yourself.…

1
A Return to Salem's Lot - Wonder how they address regional sports? 1:40:12

17 weeks тому1:40:12

1:40:12

What happens when a B-list horror film tackles small town romance, anthropology, and…vampire bureacracy? This movie takes us to a vampire-infested Salem's Lot, where the acting is about as wooden as the stakes they should be driving into these vamps’ chests. The lead actors deliver their lines with the enthusiasm of someone half-listening to a bad knock-knock joke, and I swear the child actor spent more time looking at the camera than playing a convincing kid. But it doesn’t matter, because that’s part of the charm. The vampires in A Return to Salem's Lot redefine what it means to be bloodsucking undead. First, they feel the need to sit you down for a full-blown vampire lecture series, explaining their origins and why they drink blood as if they’re some misunderstood subculture rather than, you know, predators of the night . The amount of time they spend philosophizing about vampirism makes you wonder if they’re vying for tenure at the local community college rather than dominating the human race. They’re so bad at being vampires, it almost seems like they're on a trial period—experimenting with their nocturnal lifestyle, second-guessing their fangs, and generally acting like vampires who accidentally got bitten and are just trying to make the best of it. Then, out of nowhere, comes Van Meer —the anthropologist-turned-vampire-slayer who actually gives this movie a reason to exist. The man is a total badass, with the wisdom of Gandalf and the "not here for this nonsense" energy of every grumpy old man who has ever lived. Van Meer doesn’t just kick vampire ass—he clobbers it, struts into scenes like he’s about to win an award for "Best Scene Stealer in a Horror Flick" and delivers lines with such unearned gravitas that you can’t help but root for him. So, is A Return to Salem's Lot a good movie? No. But is it an awesome movie? You bet your fangs it is. If you’re in the mood for vampires who suck at being vampires and a hero who looks like he walked in from an entirely different (better) movie, this one’s worth sinking your teeth into.…

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The Mangler - Why are all these sheets so bloody...and posessed??? 1:39:05

18 weeks тому1:39:05

1:39:05

Maybe the "safety bar" is the problem with your death machine. If you're looking for a horror movie that makes you laugh, wince, and question your own sanity, The Mangler is an absolute gem. Based on Stephen King's short story, this 1995 film takes a wild swing at horror and lands somewhere deep in the realm of “so bad it’s good.” At its core, The Mangler has one of the most baffling plots imaginable. The villain? A haunted, soul-sucking industrial laundry press. Yes, you read that right—a laundry press that inexplicably develops a bloodlust. It’s so absurd that you can’t help but be intrigued. How do you make a piece of machinery terrifying? You’ll just have to watch and see, but let’s just say the movie's plot twists somehow take this ridiculous concept and push it even further, to dizzying, laugh-inducing extremes. The dialogue is a beautiful mess, filled with lines that are equal parts stilted and unintentionally hilarious. The characters often sound as if they’re making things up on the spot, adding to the overall bewilderment as you try to understand what’s going on in the film’s world. Then, of course, we have Robert Englund and Ted Levine giving some of the most over-the-top performances you’ll ever see. Englund, clad in makeup that makes him look like a human-machine hybrid nightmare, completely commits to his role as the evil factory owner with a sadistic glee that’s infectious. Levine, as the grizzled cop, is both confused and determined, delivering every line with a mixture of desperation and bemusement that’s just... amazing to watch. You get the sense he might be wondering what’s going on as much as the audience is. Together, these elements make The Mangler a fascinating train wreck, a "what the heck is going on" rollercoaster that’s perfect for fans of unintentionally funny horror. It’s a riotously bizarre film experience that you simply have to see to believe. Whether you're a horror fan or just someone who enjoys the absurd, The Mangler is the perfect bad-good movie for a night of laughs and confusion. Grab some popcorn, suspend all disbelief, and enjoy the twisted, baffling spectacle that is The Mangler.…

1
Split Second - Somehow the Villain's confusing Venom look is only the fifth nuttiest thing 1:50:53

19 weeks тому1:50:53