Hello, I am a marital therapist, communications trainer and author. I have thirty-five years helping couples and individuals make better relationships. I have written twenty-plus self-help books which include the international best-sellers ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ and ‘How can I ever trust you again?’ My books have been translated into twenty languages. I trained with RELATE the UK’s largest counselling charity. Perhaps it has been turning sixty but I have become interested ...
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Guardian columnist Tim Dowling has spent decades chronicling his marriage and family life for the Weekend magazine. His self-deprecating humour and determinedly cynical approach have made him hugely popular with readers. In this classic episode, Tim and Andrew discuss the layers that go into a joke. What exactly is it that we’re doing when we laugh…
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As children we were probably taught that being selfish was a great evil, to be avoided at all costs. Jungian analyst and author Bud Harris, however, feels that “sacred selfishness” can be a path to genuine self-love, forgiveness and the wholeness we crave. In this episode, Andrew and Bud discuss How to value ourselves and live meaningful lives we l…
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Some of us try our best never to think about death, while some of us “live in death’s basement”. Composer, academic and psychoanalyst Paul Attinello lived through the suffering and loss of the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. After testing positive for HIV/AIDS, he built a creative and achievement-filled life, over which death nevertheless always loomed…
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Modern life - careers, technology, the pressures of parenting - can get in the way of our need to form strong attachments to other humans. According to therapist and author Charisse Cooke, when it comes to our intimate relationships, we are increasingly acting from a place of fear. We're scared we will choose the wrong person, or the person we are …
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Too many men struggle to be happy in their intimate relationships, and fail to find a healthy version of masculinity that works for them. Disconnected males, without a strong sense of inner guidance, can behave destructively and even abusively towards those around them. In this classic episode of The Meaningful Life, Andrew talks to Jed Diamond PhD…
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Would you like your life to be less focused on others’ reactions and more informed by your own principles? Would you like to stop feeling responsible for the experiences of others? This week I talk to therapist and author Dr Kathleen Smith about how to stop pleasing other people, find your authentic self, and, in the process, become less anxious an…
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We all think of infidelity as something that happens to someone else. When betrayal enters our own safe universe, it comes as a terrible shock. Many couples confronting infidelity end up re-examining just about everything in their lives: not just their marriage, but their work, their relationships with family and friends, and how they find meaning …
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People who have near-death experiences or who survive medically-induced comas report back disturbing and beautiful experiences. Some encounter ultra-vivid nightmares, while others undergo a deep, spiritual oneness with the universe or say they have glimpsed the afterlife. Journalist and author Alan Pearce and his wife, Beverly Pearce, are the autho…
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The Meaningful Life Classic Episode: Richard Paterson on “No More Overthinking”. Do you struggle to sleep, your mind buzzing with worries about the future? Do you compare yourself to others and find yourself always coming up short? This week’s episode is all about ditching overthinking and seeking happiness that ISN’T determined by external circums…
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If you’re feeling “stuck” in your relationships, asking new kinds of questions can be a powerful way forward. This week Andrew talks with filmmaker and author Topaz Adizes about starting conversations that lead to a deeper, more authentic connection. Andrew and Topaz discuss Topaz’s new book, 12 Questions for Love, and highlight the importance of: …
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The Meaningful Life Classic Episode: TRACEY COX on Great Sex After 50 No-one would deny sex is important to a meaningful life, but what that looks like changes as we age. In this first episode of The Meaningful Life, international sex therapist and Daily Mail columnist Tracey Cox discusses her book Great Sex Starts at 50: How to Age-Proof Your Libi…
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Grief is a painful and confusing journey. Often, the culture encourages us to “move on”, squashing our grief down so that those around us are comfortable. This week Andrew talks to author and grief coach Shelby Forsythia. They discuss: Whether grief can turn “toxic” Coping with other people’s responses Living with grief as your companion Creating g…
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Are you successful in the eyes of family and friends, but still feel empty and a little lost? Is there a nagging voice telling you that your life could have been bigger? Dr Esther Zeledon had scaled the heights of career success as a scientist and international diplomat, but suffered from a strong sense that things weren’t right. She left behind a …
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Grandparents love to spoil their grandchildren and make them happy, whereas as a parent, you take your responsibility for your children’s health and wellbeing seriously. This, together with different experiences of what childhood means, can be a recipe for anxiety and conflict. In this episode, parenting expert Sue Atkins talks with Andrew about ho…
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Philippa Perry: What You Wish your Parents Knew and What Your Children Hope You Learn (Classic Episode)
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Parents like to feel they are independent individuals making their own decisions, but in reality parenting is hugely influenced by our own experiences of childhood. In this classic early episode, Andrew and therapist and author Philippa Perry talk about how we are “links in a chain", and why it is important for parents to recognise that and ensure …
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Each month, 20% of us embark on a new diet. Sadly, 95% of all diets prove unsuccessful. According to psychologist and author Dr Pam Spurr, emotional eating to soothe difficult feelings is to blame. This week Andrew and Pam discuss the ways emotional eating is culturally ingrained, other strategies to self-soothe and how you can develop a more holis…
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As a child, were you made to feel like your feelings didn’t matter, while your parents’ feelings loomed large? Were your boundaries repeatedly crossed? Were you emotionally neglected? If so, you may have been raised by emotionally immature parents. In this episode Andrew talks to TikTok's popular healing transformation coach Dr. Kai Tai Kevin Qiu, …
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Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse in which a gaslighter undermines and controls another person by deflecting, twisting, and denying their reality. Gaslighting leaves victims second-guessing themselves, unable to make decisions and destabilised by constant shifts in reality. In this week’s episode, Andrew talks to author and psycho…
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Sex and pornography addiction is on the rise. It can affect young and old, rich and poor, male and female. Those who are in the grip of this type of addiction struggle to create and maintain "real-life" relationships, and their partners may experience feelings of grief and betrayal. In this episode Andrew talks with psychotherapist Dr Paula Hall ab…
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An anxious attachment style is very common, and can lead to chaotic and unsuccessful relationships. Research suggests that anxious types are more prone to insecurity, jealousy, codependency, and other behaviours that get in the way of finding and sustaining love. In this episode psychotherapist Jessica Baum talks with Andrew about identifying and u…
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People-pleasing is an ultimately futile and self-defeating approach to life. If we focus on making everyone else happy, we can end up frustrated, confused and resentful. Ironically, in trying to be “Mr Nice Guy”, people-pleasers often end up driven into behaviour that is anything but nice. This week Andrew talks to therapist and author Dr Robert Gl…
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Cheryl Fraser: Kill the Soulmate and Save Your Marriage
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1:00:33
If our partner really loved us, wouldn’t everything be a lot easier? If they were “the one”, surely we wouldn’t be losing our minds over towels dropped on the bathroom floor? In this episode marital therapist Dr Cheryl Fraser joins Andrew to discuss the destructive myth of the soulmate. According to Cheryl, there is no such thing as a soulmate. Whe…
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Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton: Therapy: What It Is, Why it Works, How to Find the Right Sort.
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Good therapy changes lives: people stop worrying as much, they make better decisions, they are kinder to themselves and their loved ones, they achieve more at work, they can control their anger, they are able to stop destructive habits, they form loving relationships. This week therapists Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton talk to Andrew about their n…
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How can we live with loss? What can we do when death shakes to the core our comfortable belief that life is predictable, the world is just, and people are reliable? This week Dr Robert A. Neimeyer of the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition joins Andrew to discuss the work of grief. Andrew and Robert discuss the task of rebuilding meaning in …
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Have you allowed yourself to explore your sexual fantasies, or do they feel like dark territory that is off-limits? Have you explored them with your partner? This week I talk to Jungian psychotherapist Dr Douglas Thomas about his new book, The Deep Psychology of BDSM and Kink. We cover: Why it’s so hard to talk about your fantasies with your partne…
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If you were raised in a sad, chaotic home, you will unsurprisingly experience difficulties in your adult relationships. If your parents were cold and distant and discouraged the expression of emotions, you’ll be equally ill-prepared for successful relationships or effective parenting. This week Andrew talks to Dr Samantha Rodman Whiten (also known …
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Estrangement from adult children can be one of the most disorienting and painful experiences of a parent's life. This week, Andrew talks to Dr Joshua Coleman, the author of Rules of Estrangement. They discuss: Why estrangement has become so common Why estrangement isn’t a one-sided story of parents who got what they deserved or overly entitled adul…
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Could the ancient wisdom of Taoism help us with the emotional challenges of modern life? Author and Taoist priest Greg Ripley believes that a little-known 6th-century Taoist text called the Bai Yao Lu (Statutes of the Hundred Remedies) offers some profound answers. In this episode, Greg and Andrew discuss some of the Hundred Remedies, and how they …
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For many women, intense caring and nurturing relationships cause their inner fire to dim, leaving them feeling they have lost themselves. Author and Jungian analyst Lisa Marchiano’s new book is called The Vital Spark: Reclaim Your Outlaw Energies and Find Your Feminine Fire. Lisa wrote the book to help women “break free from the conditioning that h…
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Menopause is a seismic transition for women, and for their partners. The physical and emotional changes it brings will undoubtedly reverberate into a couple’s sex life. Irish therapist Beth Wallace believes that this transition can be an opportunity rather than an ending. While decreases in hormones definitely impact women’s bodies in some detrimen…
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If you’ve suffered serious trauma, you may well be feeling confused by the sudden ubiquity of the term. The concept of trauma is having its cultural moment in the sun, and seems to be constantly under discussion on social media. This week, Andrew speaks to Jeremy Fox, a therapist and trauma specialist, about: How to define trauma Different types of…
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I’m excited to launch my new online course for couples: My Best Relationship Tools. This week, I talk with my friend and podcast engineer, Michael Dooney, about how the course can make a difference in your relationship. We discuss: Why couples struggle to communicate How to stop using failing strategies New ways of approaching conflict How to liste…
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Each and every one of us is awesome in some way - but, we are also human. Author, speaker and entrepreneur Nataly Kogan wrote her Awesome Human Journal to help people learn to honour their humanity, whilst also strengthening their emotional fitness. In this episode, Andrew and Nataly discuss how to: Edit your thoughts and quiet your inner critic Sa…
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Hopes, dreams and goals stretch far into the future, but intentions are about the present. Setting intentions means translating your goals into small steps you can achieve right now. Intentionality offers you a roadmap for progress and personal growth. In this episode Andrew talks with therapist Erin Vandermore about what it means to set intentions…
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More than one third of adults suffer from insomnia or some other kind of sleep disorder. Left unaddressed, lack of sleep can lead to debilitated health, lowered resilience, and decreased performance in all aspects of life. Psychologist, author and spiritual teacher Philip Carr-Gomm’s latest book is The Gift of the Night. The book combines an extens…
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Better sex, coping with strong emotions, healing your inner child and harnessing the power of compassion: these were some of the big themes that spoke to The Meaningful Life listeners in 2023. Jon from the Marshall Method team of therapists is Andrew’s special guest for this New Year’s Day episode. Andrew and Jon each choose their favourite episode…
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Christmas isn’t usually thought of as a romantic holiday, but this week Dr Cheryl Fraser explores some of the ways you and your partner can share intimacy, sensuality and thrill over the winter break (however you choose to celebrate). Andrew and Cheryl discuss: Making the most of beautiful moments. Finding the strength to say no. Planning ahead so …
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American philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson taught a path of self-reliance and self-knowledge. He emphasised self-knowledge and mindfulness as paths to happiness; also, self-reliance, cooperation, non-conformity, originality, adaptability, and receptiveness. This week, Andrew talks to author and teacher Mark Matousek about how Emerson’s twelve essenti…
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The idea of “imposter syndrome” has found its cultural moment - we hear it talked about constantly, and many of us resonate with the idea of feeling like a fraud in our work or relationships. In this episode, Susan Schwartz PhD returns to the podcast to help explore the concept of imposter syndrome in more depth. Susan and Andrew discuss The ways i…
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Setting boundaries can seem really hard - you wonder how the other person will react, and whether you’re strong enough to manage such a task. You’re perhaps not even sure of the difference between boundary-setting and laying down an ultimatum. Relationship expert Krystal Mazzola Wood likes to focus on the good news. If you CAN learn to set healthy …
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Nobody dreams of becoming a stepmother. Yet for Michelle Brown, a blogger and step-parenting expert, being a step-mother feels like something she was meant to do. Michelle has a unique bond with her step-son, and through her writing she has also become a light in the darkness for many new step-parents struggling to make things work. Michelle is the…
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The divorce rate for second marriages is in most countries higher than the rate for firsts. If you’re onto a second or third marriage (or if you’re contemplating one) you’ll need a strong toolkit. In this episode, Andrew welcomes marital therapist Terry Gaspard back to the podcast for a second interview, this time to discuss the particular challeng…
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Healing from profound exhaustion of the spirit requires more than just thinking of a good plan. Author and Jungian Bea Gonzalez believes in storytelling and myth as powerful tools for healing. In this episode, Andrew and Bea discuss: Why fairy tales have so much to teach us. Rediscovering feminine wisdom (which both men and women need) How to analy…
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“Shame is a powerful, universal, mysterious emotion. It can be incredibly painful and destructive AND it is designed to protect you” (Sheila Rubin). Marriage therapist Sheila Rubin is a leading authority on how to heal the shame that might be holding you back in your relationships and your life. In this interview, Andrew and Sheila discuss how to a…
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Quitting - jobs, marriages, musical instruments - is often seen as a sign of a weak character. Author and journalist Julia Keller is on a mission to reframe quitting as an act of self-love, which can help us lead more meaningful lives. This week Andrew and Julia discuss why it is that we value perseverance and “grit” so heavily, how to know when en…
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Most couples grapple with mismatched levels of sexual desire at some point. Some find destructive solutions - pornography, infidelity - but it IS possible to deal with this in a positive way. This week Fabian Edzard Schneider chats with Andrew about the daily self-pleasure routine he is using to fulfil his sexual needs while his wife recuperates fr…
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Forget fair fighting, what you and your partner should aim for is win-win problem solving. According to psychologist Dr Susan Heitler, If you can learn to investigate and share the deep-seated emotions behind a particular argument, the two of you can emerge stronger and more connected as a couple. In this week’s episode, Andrew and Susan explore ho…
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If you wanted children but weren’t able to have them, you are tasked with making peace with a life you didn’t choose. This grieving process occurs inside a culture that often has little respect for the childless. In this episode, Andrew speaks with psychotherapist Jody Day about grief, how ageing is different if you are not a parent, and how to fin…
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Our “shadow” is made up of the unconscious parts of ourselves that we try to suppress or deny. Acknowledging and understanding shadow can be a powerful path to healing and authenticity. If we pursue spiritual growth, we will certainly encounter shadow - both our own, and those of our teachers (whose secret desires around money, sex and power can co…
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How do we fall in love? And do men and women experience this differently? Psychiatrist Dr Paul Dobransky has combined science with the study of real-life case studies, and concludes that we do. Moreover, if we can understand something of how our brains move through the stages of love, we can make better romantic choices and create relationships tha…
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