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“Build your planet, keep in line… also clones." Stellar Firma is a weekly Science Fiction, Comedy podcast following the misadventures of Stellar Firma Ltd.'s highest born but lowest achieving planetary designer Trexel Geistman and his bewildered clone assistant David 7. Join them each episode as they attempt to take listener submissions and craft them into the galaxy's most luxurious, most expensive and most questionably designed bespoke planets. However, with Trexel's corporate shark of a l ...
 
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show series
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they navigate familiar tunnels and unfamiliar foes. This week Cel makes shocking traps, Hamid prepares a tip, Azu hopes to be mistaken for a stall, and Zolf would never freak out. Content Notes: Body horror & undead Tunnels & underground Memory loss Discussion of: rot & mould, human remains, loss of time, i…
 
Episode 69 - Posturing and Proliferation Alisón Prince-Bruleé of the Intergalactic Coalition of Toaster Repair Excellence Acknowledgement Board is receiving a huge number of submissions, due to the ambiguous classification of what is and is not a toaster. They need help either with narrowing the definition or with improving the systems that deal wi…
 
Episode 68 - Slides and Sass Count Eugenia Rutalowska of the Count's Corporeal Carpet Cleaning Company needs assistance due to a logistical mishap i.e. instead of carpet cleaner they now have cabernet. Management Consultants’ advice: sass, backchat, no brain socks, mean puppets, nude hands, onesies only, give glove puppets a chance, competitive hat…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they take a whirlwind tour of existence itself! This week Azu makes a call, Cel plays percussion, Zolf takes a plunge, and Hamid suggests they move away from the clicking. Content Notes: Injury Memory loss & loss of time Tunnels & underground Mentions of: falling, the void & space, fire (inc. SFX), drowning…
 
Episode 67 - Sagacity and Social Mobility Makvala Agryris is a representative of CRISPR, a company that re-animates pets for their owners but have been too successful in developing the cognitive abilities of their customers' creatures. They require advice as to how to keep their customers happy now that the pets are showing a desire to build up mil…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they face the shadows of the past. This week Azu holds firm, Hamid talks a big game, Cel becomes the monster, and Zolf detects a shift. Content Notes: Guilt & shaming Emotional abuse & trauma Grief & loss (inc. loss of a sibling) Discussion of: death, futility, destruction, cave-ins, physical violence Menti…
 
Episode 66 - Nets and New Contributors Stefan Beetlevox, Head Bartender of The Cosmic Lounge, is concerned about a downturn in sales and would like advice on regaining market share. Management Consultants’ advice: musical mind parasites, targeted smear rapping, knives, branded graph friends (coasters), wider vents, remove facial recognition, more c…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they find themselves... elsewhere. This week Zolf left, Hamid catches an encore, Cel cracks the code, and Azu has been here before. Content Notes: Arguments Grief & loss (inc. loss of sibling) Guilt & shaming Emotional abuse Discussions of: falling, the void & space, existentialism, tunnels & claustrophobia…
 
Episode 65 - Apathy and Antagonisation Line Manager Hartro Piltz proposes a fundamental change to team structure in response to non-specified performance-related issues during routine inquisitation and bequestionment. Content Warning for: Emotional abuse Bullying/taunting Depression Arguments Restraints & interrogation Panic Discussions of: cults, …
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they engage in battle with the Garden itself! This week Zolf quite literally gazes into the void, Hamid blocks the squishy NPCs, Cel would like to consider the time-and-space thing, and Azu sends thoughts and prayers. Content Notes: Physical violence & injury Nausea Discussions of: existentialism Mentions o…
 
Episode 64 - Magical Chutes and Moral Cahoots The Supreme Blagwith is finding that The Supreme Blagwith’s worshipper-employees are not dying fast enough due to concerns of “not wanting to be dead” and The Supreme Blagwith would like advice on how to make The Supreme Blagwith’s worshipper-employees die more efficiently. Management Consultants’ advic…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they behold the warped center of the Garden. This week Hamid talks arcane theory, Cel hears a distant tolling, Azu spots some familiar faces, and Zolf is gonna go check the bulbs, then. Content Notes: Religious desecration Spiritual crisis Heights & vertigo Discussions of: rituals Mentions of: mass sufferin…
 
Episode 63 - Crushing Tables and Crushing Dreams Antoinette-Marie of The Happy Earth Zoo is having issues with knowing which of her animals are going to maul or eat visitors to the Zoo, or failing that, how not to be held responsible. Management Consultants’ advice: Burn down the zoo, disclaimers, hug-chomp Venn diagram, check the face for chompers…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they creep towards the corrupted heart of the Blight. This week Cel reads the room, Hamid goes for a classic, Azu knows how the sad bear feels, and Zolf will be careful (since Wilde asked so nicely). Content Notes: Physical violence Poison Petrification & loss of movement Mentions of: bears, death, suffocat…
 
Episode 62 - Temporal Woes and TimeBot Shows The Time Management division would like help with the many dangerous time pockets that are created in the day-to-day product of planets. This will improve safety, productivity, and much more importantly cut down on staff overtime. Management Consultants’ advice: Laser Hawkapult TM, public/private money v…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they face more denizens of the Blight. This week Zolf looks up, Azu sticks with what works, Hamid causes respectable explosions, and Cel notices some absences. Content Notes: Physical violence Tentacles (inc. SFX) Zombies (inc. SFX) SFX: continued bells and humming, roaring Mentions of: body horror, gore & …
 
Episode 61 - Viciousness and Vice Admirals A client who would prefer to maintain their anonymity (known only as Scarlette) is looking for advice on at what point below board transactions spill over into full blown space piracy. Records also indicate that consultants were joined by Vice Admiral Fun for motivational support reasons. Management Consul…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they do battle in the Blight! This week Hamid hovers, Azu gets psyched for smiting, Zolf reckons it's killable, and Cel drinks defensively. Content Notes: Physical violence Body horror & gore Tentacles (inc. SFX) Mentions of: existential dread, mind control & compulsion, intrusive emotions, death, mild innu…
 
Episode 60 - Ferns and Further Intel After an unscheduled visit from Fern Creature, Line Manager Hartro Piltz assesses ongoing consultancy efforts. Line manager also conducts basic interrogation resistance training with variable success. Content Warning for: Emotional abuse Bullying / taunting Shouting Existential crisis Physical violence Emotional…
 
Join Helen, Lydia, Ben and special guests Anil and Mike of RQ Streams as they confront the strange presence lurking within the moon! This week Anil deserves to be here, Ben worries it'll be like three years ago, Helen proposes a little song, and Lydia doesn't want to hear about Mike's silly nightmares. Content Notes: Cults Workplace hostility Physi…
 
Episode 59 - Censuses and Couplets The Client Corthinos the Perplexed of the Placaters of Planetary Puzzles is requesting assistance due to the increasingly puzzling planets created by Stellar Firma Ltd. making it impossible to placate their deeply confused owners. Management Consultants’ advice: deploy the Puzzlemaster, bake the active yeast, eat …
 
Join Helen, Lydia, Ben and special guests Anil and Mike of RQ Streams as they create a community of lunar miners and the strange force lurking beneath them... This week Lydia is running out of silicate, Mike recounts shared nightmares, Helen pilfers teenage poetry, Anil categorizes shiny-ness, and Ben just carries the pods. Content Notes: Contamina…
 
Episode 58 - Ecology and External Assistance The client, Goral Throgmar of the Construct-A-Creature corporation, is requesting legal assistance due to mounting complaints against them for creating “monstrosities” that are “killing people”. The bailiffs are on the way to take their eyes. Management Consultants’ advice: lie about your address, refram…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they step into the shadows of the Garden. This week Cel plans a jog, Zolf has a strong spirit, Hamid keeps an eye on Wilde, and Azu feels compelled to look down and to the side... Content Notes: Ghosts Collective auditory hallucinations (inc. SFX) Past trauma & grief Intrusive telepathy (malevolent) Discuss…
 
Episode 57 - Histrionics and High-Handedness The client, Zeith Fel, is looking for ideas for new productions for The Diabolical Flotilla Actors’ Guild to tour in the upcoming season. She has found that audiences are dwindling for their tours across the galaxy (entirely unconnected to the entirely justifiable destructive actions of Stellar Firma) an…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as the team prepares to enter a strange garden. This week Cel and Azu share stories, Zolf wants trustworthy info, and Hamid has some questions. Content Notes: Past trauma & grief Discussions of: faith & religious observances, death & afterlife, ghosts Mentions of: human remains, burial rites Editing this week …
 
Episode 56 - Proselytising and (some) Progress The client, the Gademy Academy For Scholarly Hollers, is looking for budget and spending advice (ideally yelled) to help with their financial difficulties. Management Consultants’ advice: Not being a weak-necked fool; aggressively loud fonts; traditional organic unassisted yelling; more spartinacity; u…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they share knowledge with the council of the Ursans. This week Zolf is delegated to, Cel isn't an expert on everything (yet), Hamid does some casting, and Azu receives some startling news. Content Notes: Discussion of pandemics & disease Mild innuendo Discussions of mind control and hivemind Mentions: quara…
 
Episode 55 - Defiance and Defection Management Consultancy Review. Line Manager Hartro Piltz to assess initial consultancy efforts, largely from bed for what can only be assumed to be efficiency reasons. Bill for destruction of celebratory sparkling slurry to be applied to Line Manager’s expense account. Content Warning for: Emotional Abuse Bullyin…
 
Free Time Man This one's for all the haters who are out there saying that I’ve got, Well, I‘ve not got much on, but you know I'm alright, I’ve got stuff… I'm fine Up in the morning, find a clean shirt, cuppa hot slurry, out to work Maintenance, that's the game I’m playing, mediocrity that's how I'm swayin’ Keepin’ these facilities clean and right, …
 
Survive You I was once a bright young thing, on my way, straight to the top Then suddenly you fell in my way like a drunken, overprivileged roadblock What did I do to deserve this constant stream of ignominy? All I ever wanted to do was serve the Board, faithfully I get blamed for the mistakes you make, they bounce off you and stick to me But it wo…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Ben, and special guest Becky Annison as they fight for the future of the pack! This week Jan does two hugs at once, Stone taps into revenge instincts, Winter is a true friend, and Mr. Smith just straight-up eats a phone. Content Notes: Body transformation (inc. SFX) Dogs/wolves (inc. SFX) Mental deterioration (age-related) &…
 
Not My Fault It’s not my fault, I wasn’t there at the time You can’t prove that I did that crime Leave me be; oh let me be free No, no, wait come back, don't abandon me Everyone needs someone else to blame (ha ha!) That's just a rule of life, this silly game But if you try to point that finger here (well) I’ll hit you in the face, then disappear It…
 
IMOWHEN Boot up, all systems online, send the overnight fatalities to med bay nine Keep the oxygen flowing, all the time knowing, that the readouts are showing things are far from prime Keep it steady and ride, the catastrophe curve, obey the directive, I live to serve Is it living without pleasure, no time to stop for leisure, total commitment for…
 
Glad You're Alive (TREXEL) When I first met you, you were a baby I looked at you and I thought maybe Maybe you're the one who’ll stay alive Perhaps you’ll be the one to survive I’ve been hurt before, I know it’s true But perhaps it will be different with you Look at you so weak and stupid And we both know that the truth is Without me you’d be dead …
 
Little Clone Baby When it’s dark at night, and I close my eyes I can see you there, only one that doesn't hate me I think I dreamed it all, got your drawing on my wall I just feel so calm, held by your arms Why are you so far away in Galactonium? Hey Won’t you Save me Hold me Maybe I just Want to Be your Little Clone Baby Little Clone Baby x3 I jus…
 
Trexel is the Best This one's going out to anyone who’s ever woken up after a three-day binge full of doubt… shame… Yes… When you're feeling kinda down and low Don't know what to do or where to go Physical and emotional pain Paranoia and self-hatred reign Get your stinking body off the floor Drag that worthless carcass to the door Look in to the em…
 
"Welcome to the Cosmic Lounge" Sigmund: Good evening everyone and welcome to Cabaret Night at the Cosmic Lounge; my name is Sigmund Shankeray. So wonderful to see some familiar faces here in the crowd, as well as the usual rabble and dross. Now, I want to assure everyone that certain parties are still banned from the Cosmic Lounge, and our security…
 
Episode 54 - Unions and Unsustainable Ideology The Client, New O'Neal Commercial and Industrial Hyperdynamics and Lotion Innovations, requests assistance with unionisation issues and general employee loyalty issues. Management Consultants' advice: recontextualise definition of terms; unions are stupid; learn to love the boot; unions eat your legs; …
 
Hi everyone, Alex here, I just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a happy and safe holiday season and give thanks to all of you who helped us get to where we are this year. Obviously 2020 has been wild ride for everyone and we have all had to adapt and adopt new ways of working and living. Yet despite all these extreme circumstances Rusty Quil…
 
Hi everyone, Alex here, I just wanted to take a moment to wish you all a happy and safe holiday season and give thanks to all of you who helped us get to where we are this year. Obviously 2020 has been wild ride for everyone and we have all had to adapt and adopt new ways of working and living. Yet despite all these extreme circumstances Rusty Quil…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Ben, and special guest Becky Annison as the pack discovers a chilling new threat. This week Stone provides deep insights, Jan sniffs into things, Winter has a silver tongue, and Mr. Smith suggests they ought to cover more ground. Content Notes: Body transformation (inc. SFX) Dogs/wolves (inc. SFX) Mental deterioration (age-r…
 
Episode 53 - Mentors and Management Consultancy Consultants successfully recaptured, alert level lowered to alternating blue and green strobes. Paradrak Ngelion assigned for orientation. The client, The Eternal Order of Patriarch Hans, requests fundraising and image improvement advice to help combat the impact of their murderous activities. Managem…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Ben, and special guest Becky Annison as they craft werewolf characters and enter the world of Bite Marks! Prepare for intrigue and adventure alongside charming Mr. Smith, devious Winter, loyal Jan, and mysterious Stone. Content Notes: - Mentions of: manipulation, death, mental deterioration (age-related) Editing this week by…
 
Episode 52 - Games of Spies and Guns of Paper *Caution* Citizen Employee Geistman and Clone David 7 still at large. Intelligence gathered by an undisclosed line manager known only as Plartro Hiltz working with the kind assistance of Fernsworth, Head of Sabotage and Espionage. None shall escape The Board... or would want to... Hail The Board! Conten…
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they recuperate and explore their new surroundings. This week Cel receives a hug, Hamid and the kobolds reminisce, Azu goes for a walk, and Zolf talks things over with Wilde. Content Note: - Mild innuendo - Mentions of: dissociation, grief/loss, death/afterlife, food - SFX: , high-pitched noises; metal clan…
 
Hey everyone! Mike here, Rusty Quill’s video guy and I’m pleased to announce that Rusty Quill’s Gaming and Giving will be back this year and we’re going digital! Come join in as we go live at 11am GMT on the 12th December on Twitch.tv with 24 hours of videogames, board games and general fun and frolics. Yes, that’s right, I said 24 hours. We’ve mad…
 
Hey everyone! Mike here, Rusty Quill’s video guy and I’m pleased to announce that Rusty Quill’s Gaming and Giving will be back this year and we’re going digital! Come join in as we go live at 11am GMT on the 12th December on Twitch.tv with 24 hours of videogames, board games and general fun and frolics. Yes, that’s right, I said 24 hours. We’ve mad…
 
Episode 51 - Cafés and Camouflage *Caution* Citizen Employee Geistman and Clone David 7 still at large. Fugitives should not be approached... or seen... no-one would want to escape the love of the board... please disregard the words “at Large” and “Fugitives” in this notification. If any employee notsees the notfugitives please inform your nearest …
 
Join Alex, Helen, Bryn, Lydia, and Ben as they return to the physical world. This week Zolf worries, Cel offers their coat, Azu is a bit emotional, and Hamid gets brought up to speed. Content Notes: - Comedic violence - Mild bullying/taunting - Burial rites / Cremation - Mention of: dissociation - Discussion of: death, expressions of grief and loss…
 
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