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Doing It Together: Making Sense of Low Libido, Sex, and Intimacy in Marriage.

Janna Denton-Howes: Marriage Coach | Sex Educator | Low Libido Expert

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Doing It Together is about empowering women and men to heal from cultural messages so that they can discover true pleasure and connection in their sexual relationship and marriage. This podcast addresses the common dynamic in a heterosexual relationship in which the wife doesn’t want and enjoy sex and the husband does. Too often, the focus is placed on labels like “low libido” and “low sex drive” without addressing the root issues including physical and emotional safety, shame, porn use, uni ...
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Andrea, now 37, grew up in the 1990s, shaped by the influence of pop icons like Britney Spears and the Spice Girls. Back then, “girl power” looked like tube tops, perfect hair, and using every ounce of energy to grab—and most importantly, keep—the attention of boys. As a teenager, Andrea poured her focus into chasing male approval. But when the att…
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In Part 2 of her episode, Shannon opens up about the next chapter of her story. After meeting her husband, she eagerly took the lead in their relationship—from their first kiss to exploring intimacy together. Remaining a virgin until marriage was deeply important to her, so they waited until their wedding night to have intercourse. But the moment s…
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Shannon grew up in a conservative Christian household during the 1990s, at the height of the purity culture movement. At just 14 years old, she signed a contract pledging to remain a virgin until marriage. Now, Shannon shares what she was taught during that time, how she navigated the strict “rules” meant to preserve her so-called purity, and how t…
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Jess and her husband went through a slow but steady decline in intimacy, eventually reaching a point where they hadn't had sex for years. While her husband assumed she had no interest, Jess thought about it constantly—carrying deep feelings of shame and guilt. They never spoke about it, and Jess felt completely stuck, unsure of how to move forward.…
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In the second part of Kate’s story, we discover what shifted in her marriage that caused her once-strong sexual desire to disappear—and why sex became a low priority in her relationship. When Kate started dating her future husband, she worried the passion might fade. But to her relief, it didn’t. Their sex life remained fun, exciting, and free of g…
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Kate’s story differs from many shared on this podcast. She was raised by atheist parents in a non-religious household. Although sex was never talked about, she educated herself by stealing books about sex from her grandmother’s library. In her 20’s, she was part of the slam poetry scene and she and her friends “slept around a lot” having fun and fe…
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If you’ve been curious about what the concepts of Doing It Together can do for your sex life and marriage in the long term, this is the episode for you! Justin and Sandra, married for 19 years, took Doing It Together two years ago and they graciously share VERY specific details about what their relationship and sex life look like now. They open up …
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Janna answers questions she's received from men and women about her Doing It Together program. Questions include: • I’ve never had a sex drive—not even before marriage. Will this program help me? • My husband is a good guy. What if the problem really is just me? • What if I already tried therapy, supplements, hormones, books, scheduling sex… and no…
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In part two of Janna’s conversation with Ryan, he opens up about his decision to wait until marriage to have sex—a choice rooted in a desire to escape the guilt he’d carried for most of his life. While the experience was fine at first, their intimacy gradually faded. Over time, Ryan began to feel isolated and deeply unloved. Determined to fix their…
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In Part 1 of Ryan’s story, he opens up about his early experiences learning about sex—lessons that came in crude form on the school bus, mixed messages from his Christian upbringing, and early exposure to internet pornography. This exposure led to an addiction that left him feeling trapped and overwhelmed with guilt. Ryan shares what it took for hi…
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At 62, Bill has been married to his wife for 32 years. They waited until marriage to become intimate, but soon after discovered she had endometriosis, a condition that made intercourse painful and unfulfilling. As a result, she began to withdraw—avoiding physical affection and emotional affirmation to steer clear of intimacy. Meanwhile, Bill deeply…
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I’m continuing my powerful conversation with Carey from last week. If you haven’t heard that episode yet, I highly recommend going back to Episode 142 to catch up—she opened up so vulnerably about her 30-year marriage and the challenges she’s faced with intimacy over the years. In this episode, Carey shares how her entire understanding of sex has e…
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In this honest and vulnerable two-part episode, Carey shares the hidden struggles she faced with intimacy throughout her 30-year marriage while raising seven children. At just nine years old, Carey was exposed to adult magazines that distorted her understanding of intimacy. By 13, she found herself in relationships where intimacy felt more like som…
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In this reair of Ep. 111, Janna chats with Michael Kaufman, the author of The Time Has Come: Why Men Must Join the Gender Equality Revolution. Michael, a renowned advisor, activist, and keynote speaker, shares his insights on how traditional male roles in the bedroom and beyond often don’t benefit women. They dive into why it's crucial for men to c…
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Romance novels promised Amy that her man would always know exactly what to do. The church assured her that sex would be wonderful once she was married. But when her first wedding night was filled with pain instead of pleasure, she was shocked. And the pain never went away. Over the course of her 30-year marriage, it evolved from undiagnosed endomet…
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One of the most common questions we get is: "How do I talk to my kids about sex?" In today’s episode, Janna sits down with her teammates, Melissa C. and Melissa W., to discuss how they approach these conversations with their kids, whose ages range from 6 to 21. They share stories from their own childhoods, reflecting on how they navigated these top…
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It’s been a year since Chris and his wife of 21 years took the Doing It Together course, and he’s here to give an honest update on how things are going. For two decades, Chris and his wife struggled with intimacy, trying everything they could think of to improve their connection. From counseling and self-help books to even participating in a univer…
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Luke and his wife have been married for 25 years and have struggled with sex through most of that time. Things changed after kids and his wife experienced post-partum depression. Her libido plumeted and didn’t come back. Luke took the stance that this was her problem to solve and waited for years for her to 'fix' herself. It wasn’t until they found…
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Janna discovered Jaime and Josh through their shared Instagram profile, @marriageishappening, and was so moved by their marriage story that she invited them to join her on the podcast. Married at 21 with four kids soon after, they initially adhered to traditional gender roles—Jaime stayed at home while Josh worked outside the house. Jaime, an extro…
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Keith continues his story from Episode 134, diving deeper into his experience of starting the Doing It Together (DIT) program with his wife. Having gone through his own therapy, Keith thought he was way ahead of the game when he began DIT. However, he quickly realized the role he played in his relationship dynamic was much more complex than he had …
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In this two-part episode, Keith shares the first part of his story. Growing up as a child of color, Keith learned early on what was and wasn’t acceptable to express around his family and friends, especially the men and boys. While the women in his life supported his artistic side and sensitivity, Keith feared being labeled as weak or ridiculed by t…
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In this enlightening episode, 40-year-old Brandi shares her inspiring journey of self-discovery and rekindled desire. Growing up in southern Utah within the Mormon faith, Brandi's sex education was rooted in the belief of abstinence until marriage. After her first marriage ended due to years of betrayal, she ventured into the eye-opening world of o…
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Kate and her husband started out having what she describes as a great sex life. It felt exciting, easy and fun and her pleasure was easily accessible. As the years passed and life got more stressful and overwhelming, her desire plummeted. She couldn’t understand what happened. She started keeping a calendar to track how often they had sex and if to…
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On the final day of the last round of Doing It Together, Janna and her team gathered all the husbands and wives for a farewell Zoom call. During this heartwarming session, she asked, "What’s been your most unexpected takeaway from this program?" The couples’ honest responses were deeply moving. After just eight weeks on their journey, they had alre…
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In this special episode, Janna talks with her coaching teammates, Justin and Melissa, about the upcoming round of Doing It Together, what couples can expect from the program, and common questions they are asked about low libido and sexual connection from both men and women. Justin and Melissa answer: What are men and women worried about when consid…
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From a young age, Kris learned to suppress his emotions and handle his feelings alone. His friends, family, and culture reinforced this mindset, showing him quick fixes for managing his growing anxiety, such as drinking alcohol, using drugs, or turning to adult entertainment. Over time, he became an expert at burying his emotions, but this came at …
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Chloe and her husband, married for 12 years, struggled with their intimate relationship from the very beginning. However, they found it difficult to have honest conversations with each other. Both raised in Britain with the belief in keeping a “stiff upper lip,” discussing emotions or sensitive topics didn’t come naturally to them. Her husband’s mo…
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Tim and his wife have been married for 30 years. Their initial connection was deep and fulfilling, but once they got married, something changed. His wife began to touch him less and less, and Tim felt rejected and confused. This led to frequent arguments. After their three kids moved out, Tim hoped things would improve, but they didn’t. He fell int…
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33-year-old Bri was convinced something was wrong with her. She hadn't been intimate with her husband in over two years, and their once passionate relationship had dwindled to a series of weekly arguments and frustrations on both sides. She was convinced she had low libido because she was too young to have lost interest in sex—what else could it be…
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Jason describes himself as an adventurous thrill-seeker, always in search of a rush. When he discovered the internet in college and the types of images and videos that could be accessed secretly and anonymously, it led him down a dark path marked by decades of manipulation, lying, and gaslighting as he tried to protect his secret behaviours. His ma…
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As a young girl trying to understand sex and sexuality, Kelly experienced a lot of shame from her parents and the small-town culture she grew up in. Without any sex education, she and her friends had to figure things out on their own, trying their best to support each other along the way. Now, as a mother raising two daughters, Kelly still sees the…
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Zack had always thought of himself as respectful towards women—until he confronted the reality of how his daily consumption of porn, starting at age 12, affected his relationship with his wife. For over 20 years, this habit was a part of his life, and though he never intended to objectify anyone, he learned that it deeply harmed his ability to conn…
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Janna is joined by Danielle, the creator, host, and executive producer of the Sex Ed with DB podcast. Danielle's current series, Rom-Com V🤮m, is a rewatch podcast focused on 90s and early 2000s rom-coms. In it, she unpacks the toxic lessons these films teach about sex and attempts to rewrite the script. In this episode, Janna and Danielle dive into…
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In this week’s episode, Janna sits down with Zoe, who shares her deeply personal journey through 30 years of struggles with intimacy in her marriage. For years, what was meant to be a natural part of life became a chore—a cycle of guilt, resentment, and exhaustion that left her feeling broken. Even after the kids moved out, Zoe thought the situatio…
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In this empowering solo episode of Doing It Together, host Janna Denton-Howes delves into the transformative power of self-advocacy for women. Janna, a seasoned relationship coach and sex educator, shares her insights on overcoming cultural barriers to embrace true pleasure and connection. Discover the essential stages of self-advocacy, the roadblo…
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Too often, societal pressures push women into roles where productivity and selflessness overshadow the importance of personal joy and connection. Instead of being encouraged to embrace their desires and fully experience their bodies, many women find themselves burdened by guilt, expectation, and a sense of duty to provide for others. This episode u…
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I have some very exciting news! After years of requests from thousands of women, I'm finally ready to launch a DIY video and journaling program specifically designed for women. This course is your first gentle step toward gaining clarity about your feelings toward sex. Wanting It More Foundations aims to empower women through reflection and observa…
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Janna is joined by licensed professional counselor Dr. Jake Porter to explore the complex dynamics of shame and secrecy surrounding pornography and sex addiction in relationships. They discuss the role of denial and defense mechanisms while emphasizing the value of the therapeutic disclosure process. Listeners will receive advice on where to seek h…
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Janna has an eye-opening conversation with Dr. Ashley Southard, a licensed marriage and family therapist of 22 years, about her work helping overfunctioning women in love with underfunctioning partners. They discuss what this dynamic looks like for both women and men, why women tend to take on the emotional labour for both partners, and what women …
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We are re-airing this episode in which Janna gathers with real couples who have completed the Doing It Together program and asks, “In what beneficial ways has the program impacted your life or marriage that you didn't expect?”. You'll hear from both men and women on what they learned and how they are applying this new knowledge to strengthen themse…
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Janna answers the most common questions she's asked by both men and women about her Doing It Together program. If you're considering joining the next round, this is a great short episode to listen to. To hear the wrap-up call with husbands and wives from last round, listen to Ep. 62. Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women i…
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With the next round of Doing It Together approaching, we’re excited to introduce Janna’s team and share their personal stories and insights. Melissa and Justin, both alumni of the program, discuss their experiences of taking the program, what participants can expect from the 8-week course, and their dedication to changing the narrative around low l…
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Sandra shares her incredible journey of transforming painful sexual experiences into a space of safety and pleasure. She recalls how, in the early days of her marriage, she and her husband were deeply connected and satisfied with their intimate life. However, after the traumatic birth of her fifth child, Sandra suffered a severe pelvic injury that …
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Janna chats with Michael Kaufman, the author of The Time Has Come: Why Men Must Join the Gender Equality Revolution. Michael, a renowned advisor, activist, and keynote speaker, shares his insights on how traditional male roles in the bedroom and beyond often don’t benefit women. They dive into why it's crucial for men to confront their own privileg…
  continue reading
 
Janna speaks with Ericka about the use of alcohol and how it can become a crutch in intimate situations. Ericka started drinking in high school, initially finding that alcohol eased her anxiety and helped her feel more relaxed before sexual encounters. However, this pattern led to risky situations and a troubling reliance on alcohol to numb out her…
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We are rebroadcasting one of Janna's favorite episodes: her fascinating conversation with Dr. Tina Schermer Seller, a licensed therapist who specializes in sex and gender issues. Dr. Schermer Seller is the author of one of Janna's favorite and most recommended books, Sex, God, & the Conservative Church – Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy. In this …
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We are rebroadcasting our very popular episode with betrayal trauma expert Michelle Mays. Partner betrayal is SO complex compared to other forms of trauma. The lying, manipulation, scapegoating and gaslighting create a cycle of shame of wanting to simultaneously connect and disconnect from a cheating partner. Michelle shares her own betrayal story …
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We're re-airing one of our most popular episodes (Ep. 27) with Mandy Röscher, a Pelvic Health Physiotherapist based in Brisbane, Australia who specializes in chronic pelvic pain conditions. Painful experiences in the bedroom are unfortunately extremely common for women. Mandy share her extensive knowledge and training with us to shed some light on …
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For 24 years, Jennie Delreeve has been a beacon of hope for women overcoming trauma and reversing pelvic organ prolapse naturally, helping them reclaim their active lifestyles. Jennie’s journey began with her own experience of prolapse, which plunged her into a cycle of shame and fear. She soon discovered that the mental tension she carried was sig…
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Stacey, a 42-year-old physical therapist, described her sex life as feeling like she was on autopilot. Her experiences were neither particularly good nor bad but rather monotonous and formulaic. She sensed there was something more to discover. To her shock and surprise, she had no idea how much she had to learn until she met Janna. Stacey shares wh…
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