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Hello, I am a marital therapist, communications trainer and author. I have thirty-five years helping couples and individuals make better relationships. I have written twenty-plus self-help books which include the international best-sellers ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ and ‘How can I ever trust you again?’ My books have been translated into twenty languages. I trained with RELATE the UK’s largest counselling charity. Perhaps it has been turning sixty but I have become interested ...
 
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show series
 
If you’re feeling stuck in your life, could the way forward be found in your dreams? Your dreams are direct messages from your subconscious, and can tell you a huge amount if you pay them a little attention. This week’s guest, Machiel Klerk, is a Jungian analyst and the founder of the Jung Platform. He is also the author of Dream Guidance, a guide …
 
If we know anything for sure about love, it’s that our beloved will change as time passes. They will look different, believe new things and feel new sorrows and joys. Psychologist and author Dr Matthew McKay has written a new book on how we can keep love alive in an age of impermanence. He talks with Andrew about five ways to keep loving in the fac…
 
How can we cope when life turns very dark? The culture tends to suggest we fix ourselves, work through the grief, and get back to normal as quickly as possible. If we accept the challenge to go deeper, though, getting up close with the darkness of life can be enriching and freeing. Ancient and non-Western cultures tend to offer more routes into the…
 
Is it possible to fall in love with your partner over and over again? Can you hope to hold onto passionate sex as you grow older together? This week Andrew is joined by Dr Cheryl Fraser, an author, Buddhist teacher, psychologist and sex therapist. They explore the nature and longevity of passion, including: ⭐️Libido and why it can wane over time ⭐️…
 
This week we are celebrating our 100th episode. To mark the occasion, we have a very special guest: Julia Samuel MBE, who is one of the UK’s foremost psychotherapists, as well as an author and an expert on grief. Julia and Andrew discuss: ⭐️How grief and loss pass from generation to generation ⭐️How you can protect your own children from generation…
 
Some of us spend years having the same arguments with our partner, on repeat. Others drift into a state of lonely togetherness where we don’t bother to talk about discontents, because it just feels pointless. Joanna Harrison is a marital therapist who has identified five arguments that all couples need to have. If you can work through these issues,…
 
Society encourages us to focus hard on “doing, achieving and having”. According to Professor Paul Gilbert, though, we would likely be much happier if we instead worked on being more compassionate to ourselves and others. In this episode Andrew and Paul discuss: ⭐️Why being compassionate ISN’T being weak ⭐️Three key pillars of compassion: assertiven…
 
What if divorce were not the end? This week’s podcast guests, Tommy and Gina Mulligan, share their journey from acrimonious divorce back to happy coupledom. Tommy and Gina started out as high school sweethearts and grew up together to create a happy life and family. As Tommy’s career accelerated, however, they encountered problems with work/life ba…
 
Do you fall too easily into the role of rescuer in your relationships? Being the eternal rescuer is exhausting, and it tends to cast those around you in the roles of victim and persecutor. Or, often, you and your partner will switch between the roles, caught in an eternal and unproductive “drama triangle”. None of the three roles are likely to allo…
 
To forgive is one of the biggest choices we can make. It can allow us to let go of painful suffering, to move on and to find peace for ourselves. Yet forgiveness tends to be something of a minefield. Many feel that it means letting people who have hurt them back into their lives (which definitely need not be the case). Nor is forgiveness the same t…
 
After nearly dying from an ectopic pregnancy, writer Georgina Scull confronted some of life’s big questions: Why do we drift through life, planning for tomorrow but not living for today? Why do we stay in relationships that no longer make us content, or in jobs that fill us with dread? Why do we allow our doubts to stop us trying new things, or let…
 
Why do women stop wanting sex? Why is it so hard to recapture the intoxicating desire of those wonderful early weeks and months of your relationship? Irene Fehr has spent a decade working with couples as a sex and intimacy coach. Her specialty is women’s libido and sexual desire in long-term relationships. In this episode Andrew and Irene discuss t…
 
Creating a more meaningful life does not have to happen indoors. Whether it’s writing, meditating, repairing relationships or planning a big life change, doing the work outside surrounded by nature can be calming and inspiring. Psychotherapist Dr Patricia Hasbach is a specialist in ecotherapy. She sees clients outside and also incorporates nature i…
 
Women often spend many hours considering their relationship with their mothers; but far less attention goes to the impact of fathers. For some, the reason for this is that their mothers were there, making wrong and right decisions (which they remember in the starkest possible light) whilst their fathers were absent. Jungian psychotherapist Dr Susan…
 
Do you think about drinking alcohol more than you think about eating sandwiches? Do you spend significant amounts of time thinking about NOT drinking (Dry January, for example)? Or are you one of the many with an uneasy feeling that alcohol is no longer bringing anything good into your life, and may well be holding you back? Therapist and sobriety …
 
How do you survive the loss of your life’s partner? How does grief relate to love? And how do you navigate the sometimes clumsy responses to grief from those around you? Writer, activist and speaker Catherine Mayer has spent the years since 2020 charting the depths of loss and grief. In early 2020 her husband, renowned guitarist and producer Andy G…
 
Many older people, particularly women, are “divorce-curious”. They wonder about life on the other side of a tired marriage, and feel that perhaps it isn’t too late. Could a divorce be the route to rediscovering passion, stimulation and new experiences? Others are in the position of having a divorce thrust upon them, and are left to work through the…
 
Christina Patterson found herself in the heartbreaking position of being the last one left in a loving and beloved family. She took on the task of writing the story of her family and her place in it. In the process, Christina explored the ways in which our personal history can cause us to “get in our way”, self-sabotaging as we work through the suf…
 
Doing a lot of things won’t get you where you want to go. According to “Digital Dale Carnegie” and best-selling author Erik Qualman, it’s become increasingly hard to achieve the things that mean the most to us. Modern life splinters our attention span and makes it extremely challenging to hone in on what matters. Erik Qualman interviewed hundreds o…
 
Sometimes things feel way too complicated. You’re working hard, taking care of your family, you have enough money - but things still just don’t feel right. You push on, looking forward to your next holiday or a night out with friends, but the day to day is grey and exhausting. Wellness practitioner, CEO, yoga instructor and clinical social worker J…
 
David Kessler is one of the world’s best-known experts on grief, yet nothing could prepare him for the loss of his beloved son at the age of 21. Just as he’d advised his clients for decades, David attended grief groups, saw a therapist and sat with his pain. In this episode, Andrew and David discuss how society wants us to grieve versus the reality…
 
Shame is one of the emotions we find hardest to talk about. It can feel paralysing, and is linked to despair, imposter syndrome, fear and the sense of an impending doom. This week’s guest, psychologist and author Dr Stephan Poulter, is the author of Shame Factor: Heal Your Deepest Fears and Set Yourself Free. Andrew and Dr Poulter discuss how shame…
 
Teenagers have a big reputation for being hard to talk to. How can you find that spark of connection with your teen? Is there a way to set up a channel of communication so that you can help them through the rough patches? In this episode Andrew talks to Australian teacher and author Daisy Turnbull about her new book, 50 Questions to Ask Your Teens.…
 
Finding meaning and fulfillment in the second half of life requires us to make a conscious transition. We must explore “the unconscious denial and resistance that erupts around key thresholds of later life” if we are to be happy as elders. In this episode, psychotherapist and author Connie Zweig, PhD talks with Andrew about how to become an elder w…
 
Everything is always changing, and nothing is ever the same. If we think about it, we all know that. But we tend to live differently, as though we can hang onto the same fixed self, the same ways of doing things, and the same people around us. Alan Lessik, author and Zen practitioner, is an expert in change. He is known by his friends as someone wh…
 
If you dread parties, can’t face job interviews, or won’t start scary conversations with your partner, this is the episode for you. Dr Wendy Suzuki is a neuroscientist and an international expert on anxiety and the brain. Her new book, Good Anxiety, unpacks the science of everyday anxiety in a way that helps us manage it. In this episode, Andrew an…
 
“Within your mind, body and soul YOU have an untapped potential that wants to be unleashed. It calls to you in your dreams and whispers to you when your mind goes silent. It is relentless because it knows you are capable of more than you give yourself credit for” (George Mumford) George Mumford used his insights into pain, mindfulness and performan…
 
Some of us try our best never to think about death, while some of us “live in death’s basement”. Composer, academic and psychoanalyst Paul Attinello lived through the suffering and loss of the AIDS epidemic of the 1980s. After testing positive for HIV, he built a creative and achievement-filled life, over which death nevertheless always loomed. The…
 
Is society setting you up to fail in your marriage? World-renowned relationship therapist Terry Real sees a toxic culture of individualism troubling society at every level. We are told to strive for personal productivity and perfection, ignoring the fact that we exist in a web of crucial relationships. In this episode, Terry describes research show…
 
Lots of us are afraid of the very word: fear. We’d rather say anxiety, or worry, or panic. Yet according to Thom Rutledge, fear underlies most difficult emotions, and is a close companion to shame. Fear plays into just about every decision we ever make in our lives. To defeat fear, according to Thom, is neither possible nor desirable. Instead we ne…
 
“So he’s become the real love of my life. But if I’d been following my old ways of looking for men I wouldn’t have noticed him”. If you’re following your heart and trusting to the universe in your search for midlife love, you may need to take a step back and rethink your approach. This week’s guest, Dr Mairi Macleod, is the founder of Dating Evolve…
 
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation” (Henry Thoreau). Therapist Simon Roe has based his life’s work on helping men live an authentic life. After himself going through a period of quiet desperation in his mid-thirties, Simon went on to help men break the silence, find “the song inside…
 
How can we help our children understand grief and loss? How can we recover as adults, if no-one helped us make sense of grief and loss as a child? Amanda Seyderhelm is an expert in innovative creative play therapy for children, and the author of a book called Helping Children Cope with Loss and Change. Amanda changed careers to work in play therapy…
 
If you could write a letter to your own anxiety, what would it say? This is just one of the ways therapist Dr Kathleen Smith befriends her anxiety and in the process, moves it into the back seat of her life. If you can’t sleep, can’t focus and are constantly pushing down the frustrations you experience in your relationships, you will know that you …
 
“Don’t look for a match - light one”: being single needs to stop being seen as failure, and start being viewed as a fulfilling, meaningful, loving life choice. Shani Silver’s new book, The Single Revolution, is all about changing your mindset and embracing the single existence. In this episode Shani and Andrew discuss the emotionally exhausting and…
 
Many of us are brought up to see sacrifice and exhaustion as the route to success. Julia Paulette Hollenbery’s mission is to help us all realise that in fact “pleasure is the essential nourishment you need for productive work, happy relationships and vibrant health”. Julia also believes that pleasure is not hard to find. There is an abundance of pl…
 
What does it mean to be wise? Do we grow in wisdom as we age? Pioneering neuropsychiatric researcher Dr Dilip Jeste has spent years investigating the biological and cognitive roots of wisdom. In this episode, Andrew and Dilip discuss what we mean when we talk about wisdom, and whether we can, in fact, grow wiser. Dilip describes what he has establi…
 
My guests this week - Lisa Arends and Helen Tower - know just about everything there is to know about the painful subject of infidelity, because they have lived it through it themselves. Both have written extensively about their experiences. Lisa’s is a story of the most extreme and dramatic betrayal: ten years ago her husband ended their 16-year m…
 
Most of us have a conversation we’re avoiding: a child coming out to their parent, a family losing someone to terminal illness, a friend noticing early signs of dementia. There are moments when we simply must talk, listen and be there for one another. Dr Kathryn Mannix, a consultant in palliative care medicine, has spent her career having what she …
 
A year’s worth of ideas about living a meaningful life is a lot to digest. Over 2021, we touched on trauma, reimagining death, recovering from infidelity, creating a business, parenting, gratitude, and so much more. In this retrospective episode, Andrew and podcast engineer Michael Dooney each choose their top five. These are the episodes that stay…
 
How often have you heard masculinity described as “toxic”, “fragile”, or “in a crisis”? JJ Bola - writer, former youth worker, and UNHCR Ambassador - tries to go deeper in understanding how society is failing boys and men. In this episode, JJ Bola describes masculinity as a performance that we require boys to learn; along the way stifling their ind…
 
Becoming a parent is impossible to prepare for. Jack Underwood describes “feeling that there should have been more paperwork. We signed a form or two and then they just sort of let us take you away. A human child”. Parenthood changes our relationships, our view of the world, our sense of self. It’s rare in the whirlwind of night wakings and nappies…
 
Stepping into a bath of ice isn’t the obvious pastime for a Northern winter. But if you do it the right way, the extreme cold can be: ❄️ Empowering - diving in means turning off the voices of procrastination. ❄️ Relaxing - staying in the bath requires you to work on physical relaxation. ❄️ Mindful - the cold focuses you hard on the now. ❄️ And, ext…
 
How would your life change if you suddenly had all the money in the world? This was the experience of John Lefebvre, who was catapulted from an ordinary existence as a lawyer and musician into a life of untold wealth during the dotcom boom of the 2000s. John’s life of luxury came to an abrupt halt in 2007, however, after the FBI stormed his home an…
 
Some of us are afraid of it, some of us gave it up decades ago, and some of us are trying desperately to master it. The art of flirting is a form of relationship magic, and it can bring so much happiness into our partnerships and our lives. Flirting opens us up to silliness, fun and joy. In this episode Andrew talks with flirting coach and psychose…
 
“You’re only old once” says aging expert and author Kathleen O’Brien, and the wisest path is to embrace the freedom and wisdom of being an elder. In this episode, Kathleen challenges us to: Tell everyone our age Ignore talk of “aging gracefully” Learn to love our aging appearance Celebrate our eccentricities Expect younger people to respect us See …
 
Are you a serial people-pleaser? Do you find all your self-worth at work? Or do you gravitate towards difficult partners, with problems you feel driven to fix for them? These are some of the signs and symptoms of codependency. Codependency has a big impact on how we feel about ourselves, and may mean we keep repeating destructive relationship patte…
 
Have you found the freedom to explore the rich landscape of your erotic self? Or did your childhood leave you feeling restricted and repressed by a sex negative mindset? In this week’s episode Andrew talks to Silva Neves, a psychosexual psychotherapist, about: Why people DON’T fully explore their sexual selves Why labelling people “sex addicts” is …
 
Matthew Fray is the author of the viral article “My Wife Divorced Me Because I Left the Dishes By the Sink”. His divorce left him emotionally crushed: struggling not to cry all the time, and finding it hard even to breathe. In this episode Andrew and Matthew talk about the lessons of Matthew’s failed marriage, and about how Matthew is using his own…
 
Your last encounter with a poem may well have taken place in a grim classroom, perhaps a painful dissection of WB Yeats or Matthew Arnold. Poetry can be something entirely different, however, and prize-winning poet John McCullough gives us poetry that is a source of joy, mindfulness and sheer fun. John McCullough “guides us through a world of déjà …
 
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