The Urge to Control and The Power of Influence with Melissa Parsons

The Marriage Life Coach Podcast

On this special episode of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast, I’m sharing a rich, deep conversation I had with fellow coach Melissa Parsons on her podcast, Your Favorite You. This collaboration with my dear friend was so impactful that I asked permission to also share it with my audience, so that’s what you’ll be hearing today.

It’s a sensitive topic, the urge to control. Mostly that urge comes from a desire to feel safe. Overworking, taking over responsibility – my hypothesis is that it all comes from a quest for safety. We think if we establish control, we can be more safe and feel better.

But really, more often than not, that control leads to resentment, overworking, and burnout, which is exactly what Melissa and I unpack in this episode.

As much as we might try to control others, we can only truly control ourselves. So what if we harness the power of influence, instead? How could we use our influence in a kinder, more compassionate way to get more of what we want without causing the harm that control does?

What you’ll learn in this episode:

- Recognize the difference between trying to control others and positively influencing them. True influence comes from connection and understanding, not from imposing your will.

- Authenticity is key in relationships. It’s important to be honest about your feelings and experiences, even when it’s difficult.

- Life is full of dualities, and it's important to hold space for seemingly contradictory truths. For example, you can be strong and still need support, or you can be independent while deeply valuing connection.

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• Episode 29: Releasing the Need to be Right with Dr. Melissa Parsons

• Episode 99: The Power of Going First with Melissa Parsons

• Your Favorite You Episode 98: Influence vs Control with Maggie Reyes

• The Questions for Couples Journal

• The Marriage Mindset Makeover