#266 You WANT to Need (& Be Needed By) Your Spouse -- How & Why to Be Interdependent Instead of Autonomous

The EXTRAORDINARY Family Life Podcast

"I have a follow-up question to podcast 264. Greg talked about kids being more autonomous, but that you don't want your spouse to be autonomous. This is a new concept to me. What I've heard (from [well-known life coach]) is that since you can't control circumstances that you need to change the way you think about them so that you are OK with your circumstances instead of being discouraged or saddened by them.

So, I have, in some ways, done this with my husband, so that I won't be bothered by things he does or doesn't do. I'm wondering now if that was a mistake. I just don't want to be one of those wives that is constantly getting after her husband and being critical of him because I know that criticism from a spouse is hard and can hurt. I'd rather my husband feel like I'm his cheerleader. I know for myself when people see the good in me I am encouraged to do better, and when people are critical of me it can feel discouraging."

In this episode, Greg and Rachel answer this question and discuss the importance of being interdependent with your spouse instead of independent.

They emphasize that being interdependent is key to creating an extraordinary marriage and adds layers of vulnerability, intimacy, and connection. They criticize the half-truths taught by some coaches and experts, stating that while it may produce short-term results, it doesn't address the underlying issues.

They stress the need to understand the real underlying problems in a marriage and to have open and honest dialogue with your spouse.

They also discuss the differences between men and women in terms of emotions and the significance of stability and constancy in a relationship.

In this conversation, Greg and Rachel discuss the importance of addressing underlying sources of frustration in a marriage and finding the balance between being critical/providing feedback and being a cheerleader for your spouse.

They emphasize the need for constructive criticism and setting firm boundaries when necessary. They also highlight the significance of interdependence and the vulnerability that comes with needing each other in a marriage.

They caution against becoming too autonomous and seeking emotional support or validation from sources outside of the marriage. Overall, they stress the importance of open communication and working together to create an extraordinary marriage.

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Let us help you in your extraordinary family marriage & life journey.

Additional episodes about marriage & sex:

• #148 What Wives Need to Know About Husbands' (Sex Drive) and What Men Need to Understand About Themselves
• #150 The Sex-quel. Follow Up Sex Episode With Rachel Denning
• #151 What Husbands NEED to Know About Their Wives
• #167 How to Get Your Spouse on Board -- Plus Why Your Marriage Needs a 'Breaking Point'
• #174 Marriage Q&A: Intellectual Conversations, Over-Helping, & Why This Famous Sexpert is WRONG
• #198 Masturbation & Cheap Sexual Acts Are a Poor Substitute for Real Connection — A Message for Teens AND Spouses
• #215 A Message to Husbands: How to Actually Listen to Your Wife
• #221 Specific Strategies & Tools to Make Your Marriage Good, Better, Great & EXTRAORDINARY
• #224 How (& WHY) to Have Sex 3-6 Times a Week EVEN with Kids, Businesses, Homeschool, Jobs, Activities, and More
• #227 Babe, I Want to Be Able to Talk to You About ANYTHING -- Let's Listen & Discuss This Episode
• #253 Sex IS a NEED for an Extraordinary Marriage
• #254 What to Do When Your Spouse is Not 'Showing Up' or Investing in Your Extraordinary Marriage/Life
• #262 Improve Communication with Your Spouse & Process Emotions to Build an Extraordinary Life & Marriage

More Resources for your Extraordinary Life

• Get Rachel's ⁠⁠Family Systems & Charts⁠⁠
• Join the ⁠⁠28-Day Challenge⁠⁠ for Moms
• Rachel’s ⁠⁠Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms⁠⁠
• ⁠Greg's ⁠⁠Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth⁠⁠
• Join the ⁠⁠Be The Man Coaching & Tribe⁠⁠
• Download the ⁠⁠⁠Be The Man app on iOS⁠⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠⁠Android⁠⁠
• Take the ⁠⁠⁠Be The Man 7-Day Challenge.⁠⁠⁠
• Follow us on Instagram: ⁠@worldschoolfamily⁠ or ⁠@greg.denning⁠
• Gather with us at the ⁠World School Family (Beach & Farm) Resort⁠ in Portugal