Ep.35 The J's

The Chicken Mind Nuggets's Podcast

Chicken Mind Nuggets.

Hosted by Wifey

Chickenmindnuggets.com

[e-mail]

@mindchicken

References for this episode

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=J%20Guy%27s

https://www.quora.com/Why-does-it-seem-like-Ive-dated-a-lot-of-people-whose-name-start-with-a-J-Or-are-names-that-start-with-a-J-just-more-common

https://www.buzzfeed.com/sydrobinson1/guys-whose-name-starts-with-the-letter-j-tweets

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/four-reasons-you-shouldn-t-exist?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Introduction music graciously provided by

Music from https://filmmusic.io
"Thinking Music" by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

Show script: (may differ slightly from spoken word)

I have mostly dated people whose names begin with the letter J. I don’t know why. When I look back at my dating history, 90% of the names begin with a J. Weird right? I don’t know how that happened, but the “success” rate of my relationships beginning with the letter J is slim to none. If you think of a J name, I probably dated them. They had some similarities too, but that is my fault with my history of dating projects and men who were not right for me.

I didn’t realize that I dated men with the same first letter until a couple of years ago. It hit me like a bullet, it was fast and mind blowing. It didn’t change my life like a spiritual quote or a right of passage ritual, but it has never left an expensive portion of real-estate in my mind. Why J’s? Is it because there are so many names that begin with that letter? Maybe I met a lot of people with a J name and it’s a coincidence?

I started looking online for any research related to this and I came across good old Urban Dictionary. Here is their definition of J-guys: “J guys are males you want to stay away from in a relationship. They have traits like anger issues, cheating, ignoring, self-centered, and show no emotions. They can act like they care very well. J guys will use you until you aren’t useful anymore to them, then they will walk away easily. I advise you to stay away from J guys. Don’t be fooled by them.”

“I think I really like this guy!”
“Oh dang really? What’s his name?”
“Jordan”
“Oh. I’m sorry but he’s a J guy, you should walk away before it’s too late”

Quora.com said that dating someone who’s name starts with J is about frequency because quote, “names starting with the letter J account for 18 out of the 100 most common boy birth names over the past 100 years.”

Buzzfeed has a webpage called: “16 Tweets for Anyone who’s Dated a Guy Whose Name Starts with the Letter J.” I read them all, you should take a minute to read them too.

So, I’m not the only one who has dated every letter J. But why are there so many of us? I think statistically this makes sense, and I don’t put any stock into the, “all J’s are crazy” theory because everyone has their own experiences.

The mathematician Hermann Weyl gave a great definition of symmetry relating to physics: “A thing is symmetrical if there is something you can do to it so that after you have finished doing it, it looks the same as before.” This sounds pretty easy to understand. It’s essentially a copy and paste.

I was thinking of this definition and how people follow symmetry in their lives. We have similar experiences, that’s why there are labels, definitions, and entire studies done on us, to us, and for us from personality traits to mental health illnesses. We have symmetrical experiences, but we are not symmetrical. It’s the asymmetry which makes us unique, and pulls us together. Here is an example: if everything was symmetrical, we could say the Earth would be exactly like space: a vacuum. But we know nothing can live in these conditions, so we need atmosphere to survive. The atmosphere is not the same as the conditions in space, so it’s the asymmetry which creates balance. It restores order to the force.

When you look at all of the other asymmetrical patterns of nature, everything falls into place. Water is different than fish, but they need each other. Trees are different than Earth, but they need each other. You are different from your partner, but you need each other. It’s the balancing of opposites which creates harmony.

Maybe J’s are the opposite for so many of us, but a necessary asymmetrical element that drives by to teach us about ourselves? Maybe the weird symmetry of J names across all of our experiences creates symmetrical patterns that encompass enough for a psychoanalyst to eventually study? Maybe none of this is related, and the universe has simply helped put so many J names on baby’s faces that everything is still random and we are over analyzing this whole thing.

I dated a lot of J’s, but now I’m married to an A. I broke the pattern and created asymmetry, which has brought more balance into my life than any pattern I ever had before. I think the symmetry is our comfort zone, and we all know that is a dangerous place to be in. Creating chaos out of order is sometimes necessary to rearrange your room. Maybe getting rid of, or past the J’s will spark joy, or inspire you to get rid of more in your life, or maybe J names work for you and you have only dated M’s. If you can do something to it so that after you are done, it looks the same as before, then maybe you haven’t moved an inch. Maybe it’s time to make something asymmetrical, and see what you can attract into your life. Date a J, date a K, marry a P, do what is right for you. Just…. maybe not date ALL the P’s, OK?

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