#32 Being Safe Inside Yourself to Create More Self-Love

Try Self-Love

This week, Becky and Kristen talk about safety and feeling safe within ourselves as the way to grow in self-love.

We love to talk about deep things and we think the world needs to be talking about deep things more. People are in pain and the more we talk about our pain, the more it creates a sense of safety. When we talk about something heavy, we vent and release it. But when we talk to people who don't make us feel safe and judged, that is hard.

So, this episode is about creating safety in yourself in order to create more self-love.

Telling someone your story is very healing and much of the time we don't realize that.

Becky met a new friend and was worried about sharing too much and wondered if what she said might freak her out, but the new friend could related to her and understood her and it was really nice.

Becky is pulling in her tribe! When we heal and we love ourselves, find that sense of safety and trust in ourselves and stop doubting ourselves, we start pulling in people who help us see our worth. They mirror and reflect that back to us.

Especially when you are the kind of person who gives a lot and wants to help people, it's often not reciprocated by others.

Oftentimes growing up in our families and in this society we don't feel a sense of safety--because of abuse or neglect. We are also taught not to be vulnerable and the collective reflects that. "Don't air your dirty laundry," or "You're a burden" or "That is just too much for me" are messages we often get.

When we try to go to people who have a lot of stuff they haven't processed, it might be too much for them to take on your stuff too. They might make you feel invalidated if they dismissively ask you, "Why are you unhappy all the time?" or "Why are you so negative?" It's not that you want to be negative, you just want to share and vent to get it off your chest and move on.

You get it out, speak it, and then it starts to float away.

People often can't handle anything but a false happiness. They may just not be the person you need to listen if they simply cannot be real and compassionate with you. You don't want to end up feeling more ashamed of yourself when you've already got a lot of shame going on within yourself anyway.

On the self-love journey, a big part of it is trying to source from within and often that might look like turning inward to a higher power. If that feels out of reach, that's okay, but at least try to source from within by being your own best friend. And once you create a sense of safety inside yourself, that builds trust, you create boundaries, and you don't let people influence how you feel about yourself anymore, that is huge. Then you don't feel like you have to "burden" anyone else or that you are "too" something, and maybe then you will feel a little bit better about sharing some of your things with people.

Just to be clear here, talking about negative things or thinking about fearful things doesn't create more if it. It's when you don't validate and feel your feelings fully that the negative things are more attracted to you. So, you want to talk about it.

Inner resourcing is wonderful and there is also nothing wrong with having people who you can talk with about your problems. But building that up in yourself is very important because people do come and go in your life.

Build up your inner resiliency; look at your strengths and see what you have been through and how you've come through it. Feel all your feelings and be safe with yourself. Nothing is off limits because if you resist it, it's just going to grow. It takes great strength to sit in your pain and allow it.

Listening to our episodes on surrender and positivity might be beneficial to this conversation. There is nothing wrong with being positive, but you can't be truly positive if you don't feel out the negative.

We so often want to avoid pain so we distract ourselves with...