The New Adventures of Nero Wolfe - The Disappearing Diamonds

Old Time Radio Mysteries

The telephone is ringing in Mr. Wolfe's office. Archie answers it and says "Mr. Wolfe's Office. Archie Goodwin speaking. Willie Inch did you say? Just a second. Do you want to talk to a fellow named Willie Inch, which I doubt?" Mr. Wolfe says "No". Archie says "He says he's got to see you". Mr. Wolfe asks "Who is he?" Archie says "I'll ask. Mr. Wolfe doesn't recognize your name. He wants to know who you are". Archie listens for a few seconds, and says "Just a second, I'll tell him. Mr. Inch says he's a sneak thief. He says you never heard of him, but he's heard of you. Should I tell him to get lost?" Wolfe says "Wait a minute, Archie. Ask him what he wants". Archie says "Mr. Inch, Mr. Wolfe wants to know what you want to see him about. Archie says "It's about a phony murder rap". Wolfe says "It would have to be, wouldn't it, Archie?" Archie asks "How do you mean?" Wolfe says "Phony, I mean. Did you ever hear of a sneak thief committing murder, if it could possibly be avoided? Tell Mr. Inch I'll listen to his story". Later, in Wolfe's office, Mr. Inch says "Look, Mr. Wolfe, they're going to claim that I killed a woman I never even touched. And I'm going to fry for something I never even done". Wolfe says "Mr. Inch, you say you're a thief. Can you prove it?" Inch says "I got a record. Why?" Wolfe says "I was wondering about that bulge in your pocket". Inch says "Oh. Oh, here? It's a silver cigarette lighter. It gets sort of dropped into my pocket as I was going by. You see the way it happened..." Wolfe says "Never mind, Mr. Inch. Now tell me how you didn't kill the woman for whose murder you were frying". Inch says "Well, Mr. Wolfe, sir, it was like this. There was a window half open, you see, and I happened to crawl inside the house. I find myself in the bedroom, see? I was roaming around and I hear there's like a party going on. You know, people and music. So I locked the door. That's the mistake I make". Wolfe says "Mistake?" Inch says "Maybe I leave my fingerprints on the door. So later, a dame gets herself knocked off in the same room and they look for fingerprints. And they find mine. I'm it. That's all. I got a record. So it's the chair".